You remind me of the ocean
Unpredictable and astounding in your ways
Ways that call me into your world

Your words so potent I stay
Presuming without you, my life would no longer be
A life of aspirations and dreams

Your crystal eyes seep through my soul
My independence lessens after every glance.
I am one step from being fully dependent on you.

I awaken to the sunlight filling my room
Delighted this was an illusion
A beautiful nightmare I wish not to visit again.

thank you:)

Very nice

Thank you

Nice write

I like these poems..

That is, I see two different forms of writting here

in the current form, I think your poem takes on several different types of poetic forms..

It goes from comparative/metaphoric form to descriptive form.. I think you should 'remove' the first stanza from this poem.. and develope a new poem with the concept of that first stanza in mind. Where as, the other stanzas in this poem seem to flow better together, and without the first stanza.

I could see you making a reaccuring notion from that first stanza.


example..

you remind me of the ocean..
*line*
*line*

you remind me of a potatoe..
*line*
*line*

(don't use the potatoe comparison).. lol

Thank you

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I'll tweak it a little.

Good stuff, fun read

Wonderful my friend



You remind me of the spring and her time
Clean and glistening under mountain air
Playful, carefree and refreshing coolness
Wholesome among the earliest meadow flowers

Your natural way an improvement over words
Lost in rain appearing again in sunshine
Your independence and dependence revealed

In haphazard cascade among the alpine flower trail
Through the snow cold dancing
Leaping down hills happily into the stream

Finding ocean

thank you so much*hugs*

Thanks