A father passing by his son's bedroom

was astonished to see that
his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an Envelope,

propped up prominently on the pillow that was
addressed to 'Dad.'
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope

with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend

because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy

and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her

because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes

and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion...

Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana
doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with

the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure
for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Dad.

I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit

so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Tommy's house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than a Report card, which is in my center desk drawer.
I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home