Family, children and jobs are not baggage. Baggage, as far as I'm concerned is all the negative things that happened in your life that may influence how you are now, how you react to other people and situations.

For the record, my son is grown. But we are also roommates while he attends college... helps us both pay our bills and we respect each other's privacy and space.

Family is important to me... and I think the older we get, the more we value the family we still have.

Friends are a value to be treasured.

Personally, I would rather be with someone who shared those same values and accepted my family and friends openly. Sometimes we must tolerate family or friends that we may not always share the same feelings for as our mate. But we can be civil about it.

I would never allow an ex or an old boyfriend to interfere or come between my man and me. My male friends know that if I'm in a relationship, they need to be respectful and keep a low profile or even bow out, still knowing we are friends... I do the same for them if they are in a relationship. It's just understood between us.

And of course, Child support is a necessity that I would expect him to continue, as well as welcoming his children into our home as family. And I would hope that I would become a part of his children's lives (with respect to their mother and their feelings toward their mother), as I would hope he would accept my son with the same open mind and open arms as well.

Sorry, don't mean to ramble. But it bugs me that some people expect a potential mate to give up all ties to everything except them. That's just wrong.

Thank You.

I don't want somebody that doesn't pay child support to their children!!!

That list was what I thought most people considered to be "Baggage" ... that is definitely not my list... I would never consider child support, family, friends, a job, caring for sick or elderly parents, or other life responsibilites as baggage. Alimony is usually a temporary thing and I wouldn't have a say in that matter regardless. I was listing what some people I've met have considered baggage.

That's why I asked people to define "Baggage" because I was never really sure what they consider as baggage.

OK, I took it as something you considered to be "baggage"

I DO NOT CONSIDER CHILD SUPPORT OR ALIMONY AS BAGGAGE...

It was on the list because that is what I assumed most people (men) considered "baggage".

And it pisses me off.

That is why I wanted opinions on what some of you consider baggage.

Geeeesh... lighten up

I raised my son almost completely on my own... so I consider any man that does not pay child support as pond scum.

emotional drama with them or someone in there life. Unresolved difficult issues not very easily tolerated.

What's worse yet is when they don't want to spend any time with the children, then try to use distance (if the mother and children move far away) as his way to fight for less support.

And it's granted. He never spent time with our son when we lived near him.... so a few years later when I moved us closer to my family... he used that as his leverage to get his lousy $195 a month reduced (because he couldn't see his son on a regular basis)... he didn't see him when he could....

Nuff said

Personal problems, psycho X-boyfriends, (or girlfriends) dysfunctional behaviors, (obsessive compulsive disorders etc.)Health problems, mental problems, emotional disorders, venereal diseases, sexual confusion, excessive debt, financial distress, (poverty or homelessness)
family problems, (crazy troublesome relatives) Drug and alcohol abuse or problems, criminal records being on the lamb, undisclosed sexual fetishes, phobia's, outstanding warrants including excessive parking tickets, gambling problems, etc.

Sorry, don't mean to ramble. But it bugs me that some people expect a potential mate to give up all ties to everything except them. That's just wrong.
...some of us do not expect a potential mate to give up all ties to everything except them. We just have no tolerance for baggage and tolerating abuse that we may be subjected to. And some of us do not like being forced to be browbashed with acceptance of others mistakes in life. I think being blamed for someone elses mistakes that I had absolutely nothing to do with is completely f*cking insane. I didn't even know you when you got your DWI- how the hell can it be my fault? I didn't even know you when you accidently? Got pregnant with your 5th child. How the hell can that be my fault? Your loser lazy ex smokes pot with your 8 year old, because he hates you, and now he's a midget chronic. How the hell is this my fault? You never check your expectations in life and expect this world owes you a life and it should be handed to you free of charge. But the truth is you are a lazy pig and your apartment smells like vomit, marlboro lights, and dirty diapers because the mountain of them at the door gets aromatic when you don't take them out......its not baggage. Its lack of responsibility, lack of credibility, lack of sensibility, and the amount of tolerance one has for it. I have very little tolerance for baggage nor stupidity.

...amen. I couldn't have said it better. And I've seen all of them individually and in one person. SCARY!

Thank you all for clarifying what is most commonly considered baggage... I am happy to now know I don't believe I have any.

Whew!!

...some of us do not expect a potential mate to give up all ties to everything except them. We just have no tolerance for baggage and tolerating abuse that we may be subjected to. And some of us do not like being forced to be browbashed with acceptance of others mistakes in life. I think being blamed for someone elses mistakes that I had absolutely nothing to do with is completely f*cking insane. I didn't even know you when you got your DWI- how the hell can it be my fault? I didn't even know you when you accidently? Got pregnant with your 5th child. How the hell can that be my fault? Your loser lazy ex smokes pot with your 8 year old, because he hates you, and now he's a midget chronic. How the hell is this my fault? You never check your expectations in life and expect this world owes you a life and it should be handed to you free of charge. But the truth is you are a lazy pig and your apartment smells like vomit, marlboro lights, and dirty diapers because the mountain of them at the door gets aromatic when you don't take them out......its not baggage. Its lack of responsibility, lack of credibility, lack of sensibility, and the amount of tolerance one has for it. I have very little tolerance for baggage nor stupidity.
very well put and what mirror also said.. for me its things I don't want to deal with or be blamed for. I am to old for that life.

I've always defined it as anything carried over from a previous relationship which could negatively impact on future relationships.

That's a fairly broad and subjective definition, but it works for me. Under this definition, I suppose it would be rare for anyone to enter into a relationship with absolutely no baggage at all -- but I think that's a wholly unrealistic scenario anyway.

...I like this question, I've given it alot of thought recently. My first thought is that baggage is a culmination of history that is still affecting your person in a substantial, or 'out of the norm' way. For example, 'I'm still in love with her', or 'it still hurts when I think of ...", those sorts of things. I hear ALOT of people say "I don't want to be involved with you if you have baggage", but I think that statement is being intellectually dishonest with yourself ~ we all have baggage in one way or another, so perhaps it's not IF you have it, but more to the point HOW you deal with it.