How do you bear the shame and embarrassment when someone whom you love's problems directly affect you?

It's their shame and embarrassment, not mine. When it affects me, usually I'm angry and disappointed. Speaking as an alcoholic with bipolar disorder, I see no shame in being one. The shame comes when I drink, which hasn't happened in more than 5 1/2 years. As for the mental illness, I try to enjoy and capitalize on it as best I can. It's difficult to feel shame for something that enhances my career, but it's had its moments.

Be supportive and helpful, everyone has their own journey to undertake, some blossum late, some blossum early, some never blossum, There is no shame or embarrassment you can endure if you truly love someone. Shame and embarrassment is just a fear of what others will think or how you will feel, change the perspective, place yourself in their shoes and ask the why of it? Sometimes you can understand it, sometimes you aren't meant to understand it. What is more important, thinking of yourself in how you will be shamed or embarrassed or helping them get to the place where they need to be?

Understood; but, would you still stand by your words if their behavior was sure to cause others to perceive you as weak, a doormat? Or, if most would think you personally degraded or humiliated?

What if it was impossible for you to control or cure it? Would you still feel the same?

That it would be impossible for me to fix someone else, I would ask myself if I was trying to rationalize an unacceptable situation into one that was acceptable, which roughly translates to insanity.

Exactly. I know that they aren't changing anytime soon and that it is not my business. Its theirs. My business is mine.

I have never perceived myself as weak or a doormat. As a matter of fact, most people that know me real life would say I have incredible courage and a spine of steel.

Now rationalization? I did that the first time. Something has to change. Its got to. ....In me.