So I have had full custody of my kids by default for over two years now. Prior to that I had a shared parenting plan that gave me a 50/50 split and they did school from my house but I paid their mom because I made so much more than her. As my kid grew older and spent more time in sports with their schools in my area they spent less and less time at their moms. It became simply every other weekend so after two years of this I took her to court and won and then got child support from her. Since then she has nearly totaly abandoned them. My son is hurt by this and I try to make it as easy as I can my daughter on the other hand has big issues with her mom and could care less. I know he needs the idea that he has a good mom but its not the case for him. I do my best to help him pretend she is a good mom for his own mental health but I know it hurts him. I suppose I am just venting.

I'm sorry about this. I have a similar situation in that the kids dad just sort of slowly filtered his way out of their lives. He rarely sees them anymore and it's a constant heartache each time he comes around. I don't know how much we can do but be that stable loving parent our kids need and just pray to god they don't end up with huge issues in the end. Glad you felt comfortable enough to vent. Sometimes that's all it takes to feel a little bit better.

It's usually the fathers who abandon that we hear about more so than the mothers. It's just BEYOND ME how a person who carries a baby for 9 months and brings them in to the world can do this sort of thing. But, I'm seeing it more and more these days. I simply cannot imagine NOT being a Mom and I am so blessed. I hope I NEVER KNOW!!!

It sounds like she is being very spiteful about this. Too bad she is making the kids pay for it, what a mom.

Regardless of what she does, stay strong and be the best parent that you can, set a solid example of how to live and be the rock that they will always remember you for.

i find it good that you are taking on all that. See im a single mother of 2 children. I have year old daughter and 4 year old son. My daughters father was killed 2 years ago and my sons father well hes married with his little happy family and doesnt want anything to do with him. So its really hard being a single parent doing everything on your own. Trust me... I work full time and going to school and taking care of them. I wish i could just win the mega mill and be over with it...lol

I am not worried about issues they are both succsesfull kids active with sports and many friends with good happy lives. I do my best in easing their feelings. I think though if I were in a bad neighborhood or low income this would agrivate everything. I was fortunate to keep the house after the divorce many years ago and maintained the same job minus few minor lay offs. I am a lucky one for sure. My daughter gave up on her mom allready its my son that worries me it makes me sad to think he doesnt and wont have the memories of a good loveing mom

Its so weird years ago I had to pay a lawyer thousands of dollars to get my shared parenting plan as she fought me every step of the way and now she rarely sees them. Its exasperating

I'm sorry but how is it good for your son's mental health to lie to him? To help him pretend his mother is good when really she's not?
Then your son may be left wondering if she's so good, why doesn't she want me? Then he might start to think the fault lies with him.
I never, ever condone putting down the other parent to the children. However, lying to them isn't right either.
Tell your son that he is justified in his feelings that she hasn't been a good mom to him. And it's not his fault. It's HER fault. Make her take responsibilty for what she has done. Why does she get to basically abandon them just to have you helping the kids pretend its OK? Isn't that the same as enabling her to do what she's doing? She is in the wrong by not helping to care for her children. Let her take the blame for that. Just my thoughts on it...

I dont lie or said I did I just dont bust his bubble or make it obviouse she is what she is. I will admit I will sugar coat certain situations. Its not my policy to lie. I said I help him maintain the illusion his mom cares about him and if you ask his mom she will claim she does but her actions speak volumes

I can't say from where I'm sitting that she does or doesn't care. From what you say, I agree. Her actions sure don't prove that she does. But as a mother myself, I would sure hope that somewhere, she does really care for her children.
I understand why you would want to give your son that illusion that his mother is better than she really is. But isn't that just setting him up for more disappointment in the future? I don't know how old he is, but maybe he should be judging her actions for himself. And you can just be the best dad you can be and support him all the way. My hat is off to you btw for all that you're doing.

I would rather see a soft landing. He is close to my daughter and she sets a good example as far as being healthy about the situation. I cant blame my son at all for being sad about it. He is playing basketball with her BF now on xbox they are haveing a great time but he was supposed to be at his moms this weekend of course. He hada friend over last night so it was all good. Last I heard from him about his mom is that she asked if I would drop him off tomorrow at her house. I told him naw its supposed to get bad with snow sunday night and its best if you stay home and off the road she lives about 20 minuts free way time away. Of course in my mind I was thinking WTF is wrong with her? it will be 3 weeks untill she sees him. the issue isnt cars or homes or anything except her. She lives in a nicer home than I with her husband of 5 years. She also will no longer take them for the eye check ups or orthadontis check ups since I won my case. Both offices are near her home she sent over the stuff a couple weekends ago with him last time he was over, talk about spite and putting the kids in the middle. Thanks for your comments though they are appreciated.

sounds likes she's punishing you and the kids because she lost. The kids are on "your side" so therefore why should she go out of her way for them?
Seems like she is just going about her new life and not caring about the wreckage she's leaving. What a piece of work... I'm sorry your kids have to go thru this.

I let her skate on child support for 2 years prior to takeing her in as I knew it would rock the boat but I paid her over 40 thousand over the 9 years we had a 50 50 deal and my daugther just turned 16 and we were car shoppin for her and I asked her mom if she could contribute to the insurance or the car or both she said it was all on me. My daugher did get a car that is relaible and she so deserved it for being a great kid being involved in sports and getting two letters as a sophmore one for vollyball and one for track. I was not going to let her down.

All you can do is what you think is right by your own kids. Only you know what that is. Kids will always love their mom or dad no matter what they do. Some can hide it but deep down its always there. I went through the same with my daughter. I didnt lie and only offered "My truth" when it was asked. Shes grown now and understands what her mom did but also knows I was always there for her. YOU ARE A GOOD DAD!!!! They know that....

I agree. A nice home in a nice neighborhood and the kids playing sports is great, but kids are kids. They have feelings that need validated. I have turned to being more realistic recently because no matter that we have a nice home, live in a nice neighborhood and I keep my children busy and distracted with school and outside activities, I still had one that was focusing all her emotional angst on the fact that her Dad wasn't doing right by her. I wasn't doing a bit of good by constantly saying "I'm sure things are going to get better". Now, I'm hopeful to her in the fact that things can always change, but realistic in that he's not likely to be following through with visitation anytime soon. I let her vent in a respectable way and I validate the unfairness and abandonment she is feeling. It's still a soft landing, because she feels safe and trusts that I will be here for her, but yet I'm not constantly allowing her to think tomorrow will be the day he will change his ways. It took us a long time to get to this point and it's a struggle with this particular child daily, but she's really made progress since I stopped leaving the door half open for his entrance. Now he'll have to make amends and knock on that door to be allowed in.

Hang in there madisonman it wll get better. I think. MY ex left me and the kids and wanted nothing to o with them. She signed the kids over to me and we set up visatations. Than she started not getting the kids on her days. This went on for awhile, than out of nowhere she got a lawyer and wanted full custady. After my kids started getting used to her not being there, now she wants to drag them thought court. I am pretty sure she will not get full custady because of what she has done. But none of this really matters all that matters is the kids and I cant get over the fact of what this is going to doto them. In the end there are no winers. Even if she gets full custady or I do the kids still lose in the end.