Maybe they are afraid or unable to have a relationship with themselves first - and if you don't like yourself, other relationships are likely to fail.

Sometimes, it is not that they don't like themselves, but that they are afraid to have a relationship with themselves first because there is an emptiness inside that has been there since day one. When we have never been given adequate attention, caring, love, affection, and understanding as children, we start out with a deficit. We can't love the same as others YET because we have never internalized it. There is nothing there to give in the first place. There is an emptiness, a deep void where that feeling of self love usually resides for most people.

Starting out with a deficit or a liability in life is not the fault of the child or individual. For those that take on "the challenge with no guarantees" in life of trying to fill that abyss with positive self regard and love, it is truly courageous, if perhaps quixotic, for one is a fool to think they can fulfill such a monumental task a lone without a support system, self awareness, and self forgiveness/acceptance. We need surrogates to stand in and slowly help to nourish and replace, reparent and understand what was never there in the first place. We cannot give something we never had to give in the first place, as much as our heart yearns to. This is the catch-22 of loneliness.

We cannot learn it when we don't know how; when there is no model to emulate or draw from. That is where surrogates come in, to help us learn to reparent ourselves by slowly gifting us with what we never had. The power of peer support and the family of "choice"; not origination.

Amen for the family of choice! And mentors...I had an amazing mentor come into my life about 10 years ago and honestly...it changed who I am in terms of self-love & self-respect. My kids had mentors and without having had one myself, I wouldn't have nearly as much appreciation for that role (so I try to play that forward.)

Sounds like you and I are on the same page (or close to it )

I 'joke' that while I was raising my kids I was raising myself and in many ways that is hardcore truth. Learning to love yourself is not an impossible task, but certainly not easy and it takes a long time - a lifetime, maybe. Thankfully, you CAN figure out a lot through observation of positive relationships (and unfortunately also through trial and error) and personally, I work on this every single day & probably will have to for the rest of my life. Early lessons - or lack thereof - are extremely difficult to unlearn and overcome.

((Hugs))

Why do some people jump from relationship to relationship?

Is that healthy?

Why can’t some people be alone for a bit (at least to get some closure and inward inspections)?