Nervous? First meetings can give you cause for anxiety. Whether a blind date or a meeting in a grocery store at least you can see how the person acts and feeks. Now take away the opportunities to adjust on the fly and to let the other see you.

It is a tough way to begin.

Email and chat do not carry the intonation and nuance we hear when we listen to a voice.

Adding a web camera helps. You can see facial expressions and body language. Is that a "face you can love?" Only full video or a real meeting can tell you.

1st contact and early contact by email is odd. You press send. Who knows how and when the other will react? You have no opportunity to add context. What you choose to say should intrigue the other, and should provide information matched to what the person has said. If you were asked a question, respond clearly to it.

Chat is different. Ideally it allows conversation, a rapid exchange. Knowing how to converse and what subjects to choose is an art. Go deep in your interaction about subjects that interest both of you. Consider subjects like the nature of love, how two can get along well, what you like about your work with recent experiences, or some fun you had with one of your children.

Do you want me? Ah, that question gets posed way to early. Show how you think, how you communicate, what you value.

Can two people get to know each other online? Yes, to a degree. Adding online phone with both people on web cams makes communication effective. If the objective is whether to meet locally for 5 minutes for tea, then one need not be as thorough in evaluating online. If the issue is whether to travel a far distance to consider relocating, the stakes are far higher.

Finding a mate locally makes more sense to me. Starting that process online is cool.

I'll keep that in mind if I ever join a dating site again.

That was my thought when I first started using dating sites. My reality is, except for one pay site populated seemingly entirely by desperate alcoholic single mothers, locals simply aren't interested.

Nobody would like to meet someone local here more than I would. After two years, though, it's become plain to see that it is not going to happen.

IF I was looking (which I am NOT, and it's a mighty big "IF", anyway), I certainly would NOT want to find a local woman. I live here. I know how the women are here. So why, in the name of Christ, would I ever want to find one from here??

That would be like cutting off my head and standing on it to make myself taller.

Geez.....I think Im in a big trouble now in posting this topic (no offend-its only a forwarded message from a friend)

I suspect there are plenty of people who love online dating, so much they have no intention of doing the real thing. Online dating is safe and sterile. You can shut it off and walk away any time you like. Real life dating is messy. And its a lot harder to shut off and walk away from.

Email, chat, webcams, phones, will never substitute for real life, at least for me. I cherish the soft embrace of a woman. I crave the feeling of someone enthusiatically engulfing me with a whole body hug. Touch is so incredibly important to me.

tessa, this site clearly defies the rules of online dating Don't let our jaded attitudes get to you!

I agree with this,I also know that when I started this I felt I was already one up since I knew I would be the one relocating more than likely. I also have to say in the beginning the emails are the first step. Webcam does help you can get to know the person. I do think some people get into the cyber thing and that is enough for them. I personally will only do it for long then I have to have the real thing.

I have the freedom to relocate nearly anywhere in the world, which I would have thought would make it easier for me. *sigh*

it worked for me twice. LTRs met online.
BEFORE webcam

true story. let it rock.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsrkFNodBGQ

I think your really cute. Do you think you could love me ? I'll chat with you.

The problem is, if Tessa and I had met in person, we'd be so busy foolin around, we wouldn't have time to get to know each other. At least this way, were getting to know each other real good, and when we get together, we can just stare, cry, and touch. I just hope i'll be able to drive us home from the airport with those eyes. lol

I agree, but I think if you get to touch too soon, before you really know each other, some weird respect issues kick in, and the relationship doesn't stick.
I believe that when you know someone and talk every day for 3 to 5 years, you have a strong affection for each other. I know Tessa's face like the back of my hand, and her voice is so familiar to me, it's as if I can't understand myself alot of the time. Im gettin better at crackin her code though. lol I spek gudder english than she does, but she can spel better than me. hahaha ! She loves love songs, im a rocker.... she believes in god, I don't, im a smoker, she isn't, I hate fish, she loves it, and the list goes on and on. We have broken up at least 15 times, but we alway get right back together within a day or two. We don't even worry about it anymore, we know we'll be together soon. hahaha ! I suppose LDR's can't work for everyone, but for Maria and I, were stuck with each other, and thats the way it is. We've both tried it the other way, and it just didn't work out for us. We have security now, and that is very comforting to us. We both know we can always depend on the other, no matter what, period.

Very true, same thing here

I was havin the same problem. I just didn't like the women I was meeting anywhere locally.

If you can't go wothout sex, then a LDR is not a good choice, but if your fed up with failed relationships, and are willing to take the time to really get to know someone, while at the same time, remaining faithful, a long distance relationship can be awesome. Ours sure is...

That is so awesome for you and Tessa. I tend to communicate much better with people who are a bit further away. The locals just seem to want to hurry up and meet and jump in the sack... LOL Not me at all. I have not ever been able to do that. I am not a prude... I admit that sometimes I have entertained the idea, but haven't ever followed through. I have to have some kind of emotional attachment to a person before that is going to happen. So the LDR seems to set up a better foundation of getting to know a person and them possibly knowing me and my expectations in life and relationships. I have no problem with loyalty or faithfulness because of distance or time between visits. I am pretty much dedicated to whomever I am currently interested in.

Ive gotton lots of what I want online...

and lots of what I dont want online.

Either way...

its a fun ride trying!