Dear diary........I really need a luahow....or even a lei!!!

a lay would be goooooood
or even a goood lay

HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

I will take good lays for $500 alex!!!

~~~~~~~~~~@ ^@ ____________________________

MY SHARONA!!!

A blond woman was sitting having a drink at a bar with her friends when she suddenly needed the toilet, she excused herself and went into the ladies lavatories, but once in the cubicle she found that her zipper was stuck and she wet herself. She hoped that her friends would understand and drive her home so went made her way over to the bar where her they were sitting. "What happened to you?" one asked. She blushed and replied, "I couldn't get my skirt off." BLONDS ARE GOLD

--------> BAD LEIS TO THE RIGHT!!!!


<--------GOOD LEIS TO THE LEFT!!!!

ALRIGHT NOW!!! NO CUTTING IN LINE!!!

Hymn #365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

Smile, life is too short not to !!

meet me at the river!!!

A word to the wise. For all those who are retired and those who hope to retire. I suggest that you pay close attention to Jims' tale.

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND:

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are overly sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Terri.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Terri to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile an d offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Terri. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.

After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,

Jim

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Jim died suddenly on February 7 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Terri was arrested and charged with murder. < The all-women jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

wha wha wha

Im sorry






but







Im











getting JIGGY WID IT!!

I thought that was pretty funny lol

The weird thing is.......there are actually men like that in this world!!

oh I just thought the end was funny


yes it is sad but there are

purple..........lay off the peyote!!! You have mail!!!

dear diary.......my 16 yr old son took his learner's licence test for the 3rd time and failed again!!!

This time, he says, because they do it all on screen, that the machine wasnt working properly and when he complained to them it wasnt working properly, they did nothing.

He has now informed me he isnt going for his test for a long time. This makes me happy!!!