Nine years ago yesterday, my heart turned stone cold
You were born, so fragile and needy
I wondered, with trepidation
Can I do it? Can I do it alone?

I'm empty inside.
Everything ripped out of me
Tonight, including you.

Those nine months,
I survived for you
You are all that kept me going in those
first bleak days

I owe you everything - my life
I felt so alone
So frightened and vulnerable

Then you were born
Could I give you what you needed?
How could I, when no one ever taught me how

So, alone now - I ran
Ran from myself, ran from you
Always moving fast
Not only in body, but in mind

Anything to escape or dull the pain
of loneliness
of being truly alone in the world

How could I give you what you needed
When I didn't have it within myself
No one ever gave it to me, either

Panic, fear - dread
You were still all that ever kept me going
It was all about everyone else, then you
the day you were born

You were justified
But, the other acted like the star
of a melodramatic opera
It wasn't about her at all

I was forgotten
No one cared about the woman who
almost lost her life
giving birth
to an innocent that was very much wanted

All the same,

You weren't brought into the world
with the joy you deserved
from others or
from me
You were to be cherished
and adored

You were - are - precious in His sight
I'm ashamed
Ashamed I was not able to be there
for you
Even though you saved my life

I'm ashamed I haven't been there
for you
because I've been running
running
....running

from my feelings and myself
the sadness and the loss
is too much to bear

But I have for you
I have for you
You need me
....of course I know you do, my love

But tonight, tonight
it was all brought back to me
....the being forgotten
the loneliness and being alone

What a painful day and night it was
in my stone cold heart
my numb heart
the day that you were born

Lost. Alone. Forlorn.
those are the feelings
I felt again tonight

And again, my dear -
you are all that keeps me going
all that I survive for

I love you, baby
Happy Birthday

that was simply beautiful angel

Very touching Angel, just remember, there are those of us that do have true compassion, caring and kindness, and as long as people like us are still around, you will never be alone..

That was absolutely beautiful!!!!
Brought lots of emotion to my soul.

I know exactly how you feel. My middle son was born 13 years ago on the 21st and i was alone and thought i would give him up for adoption but i couldn't do it. I am glad i kept him even with the problems we've had. My strength goes out to you.

what a powerful story you have shared with us-very nice