Always remember that you are unique...just like everyone else.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.

Stop repeat offenders! Don't reelect them.

I'm not getting smaller. I'm backing away from you.

Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?

I don't know what makes you dumb, but it's working extremely well.

Rehab is for quitters.

Out of my mind: Back in five minutes.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

There's too much blood in my alcohol system.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Oh crap! You're going to try and cheer me up, aren't you?

In America, anyone can be President. That's one of the risks you take.

You were gone?

I didn't feel so smart, until you spoke up.