I’m friendly with both my ex’s.

I'm good with all five of my ex wives.

I detest and hate my Ex's

Hey popcorncoke!! Sounds like you were married to my dad!

Tell us how you really feel Muddy.

my dad lives in the same freaken town as i do and it took him 5yrs just to meet his great grandkids.. (thats sad)

Not strange at all. I haven't thought about or seen the ex husband in years. We married young and what we thought was love then, was just infatuation. What I couldn't get over for many years was the fact that he never wanted a relationship with our son and, outside of court enforcement, was a deadbeat. I forgave him, also, many years ago. He had/has his problems.

To answer the OP, I have always said I could never be friends with an ex, because I find that once I have felt romantic love for someone, it is near impossible to go back to friendship only. However, lately I have learned that this changes when the ex has been a good father-figure and has shared parenting of a child with me. Especially when my child still loves, admires, and respects them. It makes it much harder to reconcile romantic feelings and lost love, at least for me.

Recently, I was also able to forgive and become somewhat of friends with my first love. The healing of that first romantic loss and betrayal of trust was what was pivotal there. So, this question really doesn't have such a clear-cut answer for me anymore. We live and we learn and we grow.

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well to angle of darkness who lives in a place called NUNYA which i think is nun of ur business kind of thing, u r a better person than most when it comes to forgiving and forgetting ur x.

me, not so. same deal love at first bite when i was 18. ficked once hit the donkey on the tail. hs disappearred back to south with his old gfs kind of surprised when 9 1/2 dark haired clone appearred with wife. a beautiful baby btw...from a blond blue eyed nordic joc.

from that day forward, it was me who did the work, and he who took the glory. however, his daughter worshipped him, and he did pay the bill and get her through school, and he has provided for her in case he gets ill which i think might be the case. he looked skinny last sighting.

however, i tracked him down in ca with his 3rd wife who is also his 5th wife. and she is a hootch. and i am a biach. so we compliment each other well.
my husband came back and tried to date me, saying we still had the same last name, but i think he was still kicking it with the love mentioned above. i did not trust him for some reason. we tried...dinner, movies, walks....then, he got sick, jittery.....well that was because he was drinking and taking powerful meds....
then, he got mad....one of the local pd's killed their wife in a DV scene, then he got all hot and said she deserved it.....looking right at me. that is when i knew something was amiss. then, our daughter got married, and i described the scene in my other comment about how i did the work, and they left me out, and how i was so hurt, but he paid the bill....well i also lost a job for taking time off 4 this wedding....

and then, well so some time passed, and a grandchild appearred on the scene. i was so excited...we could go out and buy our first grandchild a new outfit, and what did he do...take another woman to pick it out with him..
so then, the kid grew up, and i had a slight relationship with our daughter, but not him, as he was a reincarnation of his hellashus father and treated his dying mother like ****...who i was caregiving for.....as she asked me....when strange things started happening when i was away helping her..
my stuff was disappearring left and right. i filed police reports, but they thought i was looney and then it showed up at my x's mother's place. finally the final confrontation was the sighting....and he hung his head....i knew. he looked skinny, old, and tired. his deeds and his actions finally caught up with him, and it was just by accident. but i suspected him in my heart, and said as such outloud to him with denials spewing out that mouth.
i don't know what i am going to do. the police know, but they denied it, and have gone into hiding. i am not the woman angel is. years have turned me cold. u c this was a man i loved as a young girl, and i took his memory into my adulthood knowing full well, he was a myth, but i had a child. does this make any sense. from 18 to 62...quite a span doncha think?

so i sent another friend to ca to look for him. she found him in banning with the 5th wife, who was the 3rd wife, and they divorced and remarried, but were kicking it secretly....

what a tale, huh? i have to go home now because i feel sad. but i have a dog or 2 waiting for me. so far they have said nothing about him, and you know there is not a day that goes by when sometimes, i think what if i had of stayed married. it would be 40 years, and i would be in my grave. but love makes you do funny things. and the most funny thing of all is that i was warned this man would make my life hell, and it came true.

I honestly can't think of an ex that I don't have as a friend, or in the very least an aquaintance with. In fact, my very first love is my very best friend, and suppose he always will be.

Well, it appears I spoke too soon, as friendship didn't last long with any of the ones I mentioned before. The reason? The same reasons it didn't work out in the first place. I cannot live with or spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't have the qualities I would seek out in a friend, first.

angel u hit the nail on the head.
friends first, and well what comes second.??

It is best not to put any personal investment on whether anything will come second. That is precisely where many of us, including myself, have always gone wrong....instead of leaving it up to our higher power. We can't control the outcome, only our reaction to it; whether we welcome it or not.

put no personal investment into it? um well okay...
and leave it to the higher power which is god, or the mother earth, moon, wind and stars?
um well nope i disagree because you can pray all u want, and leave it to fate, and still nothing happens....unless u push it a little, and maybe that is wrong.
i just don't know.
i will have to think over what personal investment means....

In situations where young kids are involved, I would say yes, to try and remain friends. If you really can't get along with that person, at least try and keep a civil relationship for the sake of your kids.

After my first relationship of 18 years, I had become so close to my ex's family. In fact my mother in law at the time, came over on the day we broke up and said, "nothing is going to change, you are still part of this family". In my case, to sever all ties, would have been really stupid. It took a little while, but it worked out for the best, especially for my boys. I became the single parent instead of her. But her family helped me to raise "our" boys.

Perhaps two people just "hate" each other so much that remaining friends is just impossible. Or if one of the individuals still loves the other one, friendship is probably not a good idea. Or if one person starts a new relationship with another person, that person may not want or allow a friendship between the two of you. I am sure there are alot more scenarios. But if it was me, I would try to remain friends if at all possible. That is just how I am.

In my case, trying to push it a little or make it happen has only brought heartache, grief, and disaster into my life. I'm done with trying to influence the outcome. I'm done with always wishing he'll change, whoever "he" may be.

Its just me now. Me for a little while. Maybe for a good long while. Just me.