I'm horrible at it. I know that I should take my own advice sometimes, but I just never end up doing it.

Well, my child finally went to sleep so now I can get some work done. I'll come back to think again soon.

bye

And I've now finished my work for the night anyway. I have six more orders to ship out. I think that's it. Of course, I'm still waiting on three payments too. But I shipped 12 today, and I have 10 ready to go tomorrow. I have to finish those last six tomorrow and get them shipped Thursday. Then I can get back to reading my book and working on my final and working on my final project. Ahhhhhh! Am I really going to have enough time to finish it all? I don't have a choice. I must accomplish everything. I had no idea this bright idea of mine would take up three days of my time. But it's almost done and I will move on from there. I can't wait to get back to work on that book. The final looks pretty easy too. I may have to fake my way through the one question anyway if I don't have time to read another novel to answer it. Eeek. But Dr. T said I got an A on my midterm despite my attitude so that's good. I'm well positioned to get an A, as I should.

Alright, I think that's enough talking to myself for now. I know what I need to do. And now I'm going to unwind and get ready for bed.

So today I have the bright idea to go shopping. I wasted the entire morning on unnecessary errands. Those things could have waited. Oh well. I made the choice. Now I'm home and I need to find some energy to get moving and finish what I need to do.

And I was thinking last night about the men thing again. I really need to talk that out. My thoughts are all over the place. I'm hearing "shoulds" that I shouldn't be hearing. I should know to expect the unexpected...or not to expect anything and just let everything be. But then when it just is, I question it or try to fight against it. I have to stop fighting it. I have to just let things be. I hate guilt. I shouldn't feel guilt. Just because something is what it is, does that mean that it won't change? I think things can just change. But I don't want it to change, and that's what I'm fighting against. And I'm thinking that other things are just making me think things are changing. And I'm only one person. I can only control my side. Other choices made by other people may change things. But I think things started to change when...well, I think I started the shift. I think I had an emotional/spiritual shift and that triggered this other shift...I think my shift was felt and responded to. So perhaps I manifested this issue myself...unconsciously, of course. I feel things. I think things. Things clash and swirl and confuse me.

And I KNOW that this doesn't make any sense to anyone but me, and that's cool.