1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your
free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Fla-a-a-a-ming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay !
It grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass
over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... 'Bun-bun,
come to daddy, snookums !' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so
gay!

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
barbeque ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or
tits. Any thing else and your in training and undeniably a turd burglar.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot,
you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes
wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular
coffee, you own designer kneepads. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of
dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free
ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to
remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know
what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than cotton or denim, you are a knob gobbler.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat
whistle.. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver=2
0or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the
radio station, eat a burger, or hold his beer.!!

LOL Good Stuff...
I have used both hands on the stearing wheel though...
when I'm driving really fast that is...
other than that it's usually a hamburger or a beer... ha

OMG

I'm only assuming you know all this because your gay too!

sometimes I drive with both hands on the wheel

but that is just from being too drunk to drive when I leave the monster truck rally

I don't drink and drive. It spills all over the seat

me gay? Hell, I'm not even happy!

I have a washboard stomach, but I'm not over 40 so I'm safe. I'm good on the rest of it.

Funny sh!t!!!!