Hi everyone. I am new to this site. Wondering if I can ask for feedback from other single parents?

Here's the scoop. I recently went through a break up. We were friends for 2 years and dated for 1 year, 8 months. We recently ended things for a difference of opinion, but it was a big one.
From day one, I let it be known that I have no intention of living with a man unless marriage was in the future. I think it would be confusing for my 4 year old, who already had to deal with divorce/separation. So, I am not willing to "play house." Definitely engagement required and planning for the wedding--at least.
After a year and a half, the BF announced that he would not marry anyone he did not live with first. He asked if we could live together and was not willing to move forward until we did that first. From my point of view, if he is not sure that I am "the one" than he is not co-habitating with me and my child!

This started 3 months of arguing about the topic and I finally had to throw in the towel. I felt like if he did not respect me enough to honor my beliefs and does not believe that my son and I deserve more, than I am wasting my time. It was a very hard decision. But my child will always come first over a dating relationship. Especially where that man does not have an intention to be out family.

So, it has been a rather sad thanksgiving and I am left wondering if I am the only one? Are my expectations unreasonable? I know it would take a special man to accept a package deal, but is it impossible?

I welcome your feedback, but please be gentle =)

hi & welcome

(and no, i don't blame you...even tho these days, it's worth living with someone to see who they really are...)

First off, happy Thanksgiving. No, I do not believe you did the wrong thing. You were very clear on your beliefs and principles and if you don't stick to them, who will? You will only lose your self-respect and nothing is worth that. It's sad that he wasn't able to live with your beliefs but, as much as this will be a cliche, you will be much better off knowing that now, rather than later. You would think he would have spoken up sooner, but well, sometimes that happens.

It gets better

I think that u r right 100%.
Make sure that even if u accept, things will never work out down the road...if he is not firm in his decisions and want to test everything, then he is not worth it!!!

If the BF didn't love you enough to accommodate your wishes, given the legit reasons you have(which include your child)then I would say he doesn't love you as much as you may think.

Your feelings should NOT be overlooked, just to make it all about him, and what he wants. If you have been together already for a period of time...then he should have a good idea as to the strength of your relationship. It sounds as if he is making it all about him, and no consideration to you or your child.

This is just mt opinion. Good luck!

It’s important to stay steadfast to your convictions, but imagine all you are missing out on by never budging. It’s like a man saying that all he wants is to be happy but doesn’t date brunettes, or a woman saying that all she wants is a career oriented man and passes on the big-hearted guy that’s still unsure what he wants to do with his life. Or age limits, weight limits, distance limits, limits. When you set limits you limit your life. Think big and love big, the answers will present themselves to you.

Hmmm, I agree with this. But, her convictions go beyond superficial things into something that is morally and ethically important to her. You should never compromise on your own morals.

Thanks SuzinVA
I was trying to wrap me head around that comment too. I am not superficial and do not have a list of "requirements." It is a very deep conviction and your right, I just cannot compromise that. Whether a man is blue collar/white collar, blond or brunette doesn't matter to me. But th important things do.

i say stand your ground dont go back on morals .

You'll get through this and you will no doubt find someone who is not only ok with your morals but someone who shares them. This is just a little speedbump.

Breakups always hurt, though, there's no getting around that.

THINGS DONT WORK OUT ALL THE TIME.ONE DAY MY EX WIFE JUST GOT. UP AND LEFT I REALLY DONT KNOW SHE DID IT.IT HAPPENS MOST EVERY ONE.

THINGS DONT WORK OUT ALL THE TIME.ONE DAY MY EX WIFE JUST GOT. UP AND LEFT I REALLY DONT KNOW SHE DID IT.IT HAPPENS MOST EVERY ONE.

Ill sleep on the porch..JK..Way to go..You did the right thing

Templter--thanks for the laugh!

Thank you all for your feedback and understanding. I guess I just needed someone in my corner saying "nah, you did the right thing." It's good to know I am not totally off-base or crazy and that many of you can relate. (well, I always joke that I am crazy in a GOOD way =)

Thanks again guys. I guess I can stop second guessing myself and just find some peace in my decision.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving =)

It will get better for you. I would bet on it. You seem like a woman with a good head on her shoulders and will definitely go far in life. I think its days like this that makes us stronger..Happy Thanksgiving and keep smiling!! You have a very pretty one.

Awwww.. thanks =)

you were a 110% correct on you decission. You let it be known from the beginning and if he cant respect you and honor what you want then, you dont need him. It will get better and dont let it bother you too much.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

ANY man you bring into your life MUST understand that you and your son are a package deal. You should not have to back down from YOUR position at all. In my opinion your son comes first. Sure you are sad and I, for one, say Bravo!! Better to find out now then have let him move in and break up later (beleive me it would have happened) leaving your son to wonder about what is going on and giving him the totally wrong message about what a relationship and marrige should be all about. More power to you!

You have every right to do what you did. You have to protect your child, if you don't who will. You are also right that if he didn't care enough to understand your feeling, and to also care about what effects your child would have then you don't need him. I was in a similar situation and I had enough. Stand your ground sweetheart!!