America is now waiting for "the man who has wood to be President."

Arianna's puzzled by Biden's "children" reference, since his kids are
pretty old and out of the house. And the imagery conjured by his
conjunction of sleeping children and passionate sex is a disquieting
one, in a 1950's sort of way.

It's Ward and June Cleaver as portrayed by Henry Miller and Anais Nin.
Or maybe it's Donna Reed with Charles Bukowski in a cheap rented room
above a bar. Ah, you get the picture.

To me, the conflict between running for President or having a love life
is all about the press. If you're a Democrat it boils down to this:
would you rather get screwed by the media, or by the one you love?

Let's see: Late nights at home with candles and Persian love poetry --
or late nights denying you ever said you "invented the Internet"? Sunday
afternoons holding the Kama Sutra upside down and trying to follow the
pictures, entwined and issuing soft giggles -- or Sunday afternoons
phoning people to explain you never used "whom" and "NASCAR" in the same
sentence?

It's not "press the flesh," it's "press vs. flesh." Scented massage oil
and exploring each other's bodies? Sensual. Off-the-record damage
control with R.W. Apple? Not sensual.

I hereby announce "RJ's Erotic Presidential Campaign Slogans Contest."
The only rule is this: Entries must not associate erotic campaigning
with the media in any way. That would kill the sensuous mood. (Examples
would include "Meat the Press," "I'd Rather Be Gaggling," or "Can We Do
This On Deep Background?")

Here are examples of entries that would be considered favorably:

- Hold On, Americans, I'm Coming
- Being President: It's hard, hard work, it's really hard
- Oh, White House -- Let Me Come Inside Your Sugar Walls
- I'm "Mounting" a Campaign -- For You!
- Hey, America: Put my Stiff Opposition Inside Your Oval Office

Bear in mind that your entries will not be published if they exceed the
standards of acceptable public Internet (non-"xxx") language and
discourse. Since nobody has any idea what those standards actually are,
we'll pretty much be censoring you at random.

That caveat aside, have at it! Winners will receive a free copy of my
prizewinning Harlequin Presidential tomes: "For (First) Ladies Only" and
"Secrets Married Presidents Know." (And watch for my upcoming book,
"Abigail Adams: Vamp or Vixen?")