Topic: Sanctuary Shadow
inkraven86's photo
Wed 11/19/08 12:50 AM
Edited by inkraven86 on Wed 11/19/08 12:52 AM
asleep

The sun rose with its rich essence shining into my sanctuary,
I thought perhaps I would be safe here tonight,
But safety is only in numbers these days,
But when the numbers are regrets,
Things get a bit more serious,
Like lightning struck bone,
Fish on a hook, midday,
Love, tortured forever,
For Once Upon Wicked,
But why be her pet slave,
Why be his bet for the day,
Why fell the way they used to,
He makes me feel like you used to,
The way dreams crumble and dry out,
With sugar and blood, sweet-salty brine,
So catchable like an addiction to wine, hot,
Legend feels the silent hours of wills undone,
So sweeten me up, fatten the deal with the kill,
The best parts that is, where my hearts meanings,
Fall all over the floor, with heartbroken angel tears,
I was the mystery once, so long ago now lost for you,
I would sow it back together again but I have no thread,
So lend me a pain, I’ll sow it with a name, and it will end.

PDA's photo
Wed 11/19/08 01:15 AM

asleep

The sun rose with its rich essence shining into my sanctuary,
I thought perhaps I would be safe here tonight,
But safety is only in numbers these days,
But when the numbers are regrets,
Things get a bit more serious,
Like lightning struck bone,
Fish on a hook, midday,
Love, tortured forever,
For Once Upon Wicked,
But why be her pet slave,
Why be his bet for the day,
Why fell the way they used to,
He makes me feel like you used to,
The way dreams crumble and dry out,
With sugar and blood, sweet-salty brine,
So catchable like an addiction to wine, hot,
Legend feels the silent hours of wills undone,
So sweeten me up, fatten the deal with the kill,
The best parts that is, where my hearts meanings,
Fall all over the floor, with heartbroken angel tears,
I was the mystery once, so long ago now lost for you,
I would sow it back together again but I have no thread,
So lend me a pain, I’ll sow it with a name, and it will end.



very very nice piece right here. I especially like the set up of the whole thing. One suggestion though. stanzas are very strong in poems, and I believe it will work perfectly in this one. But as it is now, works perfectly as well. Very nice, deep and overall beautiful writing. Nice use of words and this line is very nice:

But why be her pet slave,
Why be his bet for the day

Thanks for sharing

-PDA-