After Thoughts as I Watched an Ex Walk Away

Did I want him?
Did I need him,
As I watched him go
Or was it the memories
That had been gorging on my soul?
Was it the way he used to kiss me
In the middle of the night,
Was it the way he use to touch me
That caused every inch of me to tremble in delight,
Was it the way he used to speak to me
That made me cum to the sound of his voice,
Was it the way he used to call me everyday just to play,
Was it the way he used to dare me to touch him with a single look,
Was it the way he used to taste on my hot tongue,
Was it the way he smelled like pure fresh hot man,
Was it the way he used to kiss me battling my mouth and wits,
Was it the way he used to come on strong and stayed that way all night long,
Was it the way he used to take me again and again,
Was it the way he used to hold me and I would fall asleep in his arms?
I had been wondering for so long,
Yes, I know it was all of those things but also I remembered something else,
What was it that tore us a part,
Was it the way he didn’t believe in loving me like a real man should,
By thinking of my physical health as much as my overall well being,
Was it the way he threatened me even though he said he was playing,
Was it the way he got drunk and nearly killed us both,
Was it the way he threatened me he would go to someone else,
Was it the way he cheated on me with three other women,
Was it the way he cheapened our lovemaking bye leaving the room when it was done,
Was it the way he tried to play me for the fool when I knew what was going on,
Was it the way he used me like a sex toy or was it for the quickies
Was it the way he said he loved me but never truly meant it,
Was it the fake ring he bought me for our engagement?
Or maybe it was the used stuffed animals he bought me,
Was it the way he abandoned me when I needed him the most,
Was it the way he lied to me just like he did when were kids?
Was it the way he talked big **** all the time but never pulled through,
Was it the way he kept the truth from me about how he felt and so I had to guess?
Was it the way he always left me with doubts no matter what he did?
Yes, I’m sure it was one of those things, yes, one of those things that tore us apart,
No, I don’t feel so bad anymore when he walked away, I waved goodbye
And here I stayed, firm in my heart and firm where I stood,
No, I’ll NEVER take him back.