i had a cavity filled this morning. somehow despite all my dental and health background i wound up with a distal occlusal of #3, possibly i presumed from my days with H. i didn't make a big deal of it, simply left the appointment feeling a little beat.

was it time? time to see my friend. he's given up phones, too many people will be looking for him so he says. i am still fuzzy from the nitrous but thinking a little edgy and clearly. it's been long since our last time together, so i decided to take the drive to his house by the lake on this workless monday.

by now i've grown accustomed to not quite knowing what i might pull into going there. its been a sort of center and a hub at times of much activity. i am his friend, so he has given me a key. he is happy to see me almost as if he never wants to let me go..

but he does and doesn't make a big deal.. just says, you have your key.

i find him home and i wouldn't say he's had to bear the most responsible of lives.. no phone. independent. thats ok because i gave up tv and im content with his screen and i find myself relieved that i chose this day for a visit.

he's fine tuned and in tune and i knew i could just be silent. we finished with words that need be said. you need rest, he said with a quick flash of observation, and i followed him through the house into his room. there i slipped off my dress and slid off my boots then crawled into the covers of his big bed. soft and suede it was against my body and face as i curled next to him holding hands.

i am 33 years old. i have seen better days, or perhaps i should say, will see better days. i feel no self consciousness. he allows to me sneeze in his bed, nursing my cold. and i sneeze and i sneeze and finally settle in as i watch him falling asleep bare chested and calm.

i laid there beside him forgiving and thanking him, a mix of emotions in a darkened room, for the times he cut me with words, words ive worked to admit i needed to hear. the times i nearly saw death, he'd sat near in my presence supporting and begging almost for me to do better.

and i forgave him for where he has fallen, let me, himself or others down. none are perfect. i care not to throw stones.

it is not with us today. we are so quiet. many years of spells are breaking. i wiped my tears, filled with grace and gratitude for this peaceful moment, my eyes drew to the curtain that had been neatly tied to the side, sunlight from the window.

yikes.. you washed all that down

thank you mis kim