> Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are
> having a bad day....
> ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
> ////////////////////////////////////////////////
> My tire was thumping.
> I thought it was flat
>
> When I looked at the tire...
>
> I noticed your cat.
>
> Sorry!
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> congratulations on your wedding day!
>
> Too bad no one likes your husband.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> How could two people as beautiful as you
>
> Have such an ugly baby?
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> I've always wanted to have
> someone to hold,
>
> someone to love.
>
> After having met you ..
>
> I've changed my mind.
>
> --------------------------------------
> ----------------------------------------------------------
>
> As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am....
>
> That you're not here to ruin it for me.
>
> ####################################################
>
>
> Congratulations on your promotion.
> Before you go...
>
> Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
>
> You'll probably need it again.
>
>
> ************************************************************************
> ********
>
>
> Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
>
> (Available only in Tennessee, Arkansas , Kentucky & West
> Virginia , Mississippi , Florida ))
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
>
> Almost Lifelike!
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> When we were together,
> you always said you'd die for me.
>
> Now that we've broken up,
>
> I think it's time you kept your promise.
>
>
> ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
> //////////////////////////////////////////////
>
>
> We have been friends for a very long time ...
>
> let's say we stop?
>
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>
> I'm so miserable without you
>
> it's almost like you're here.
>
> ==================================== =================
>
>
> Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
>
> Did you ever find out who the father was?
>
> %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
>
> Your friends and I wanted to do
>
> something special for your birthday.
>
> So we're having you put to sleep.
>
> )))))))))))))))))))
> ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
> )))))
>
>
>
>
>
> Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know
> the batteries are getting dead?
>
> Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when
> they know there is not enough money?
>
> Why does someone
> believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
> but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
> Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal
> injection?
>
> Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks
> when you throw a revolver at him?
>
> Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
>
> Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
>
> If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
>
> Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use
> the bubbles are always white?
>
> Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
>
> Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with
> hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
>
> Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times
> with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then
> put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
>
> Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on
> your first try?
>
> How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light
> fixtures?
>
> Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something
> that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else
> over?
>
> In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it
> was in summer when we complained about the heat?
>
> How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
>
> And my FAVORITE......
> The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four
> persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your
> three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
>
> ~~~Now send this on to your friends and make them smile
> too!~~~ ****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!**

priceless

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.


This is the best one of all.

I almost wet my pants!!