Never posted anything in here before, but....

For the past month, I've been dealing with two massive problem situations for friends. My best friend has been going through a huge marriage crisis with his wife, and I've been spending all kinds of time with them. I should mention that I have training in this area and have been doing this sort of thing for years, although usually not with people I'm this close to.

It's taken some time, but there has been enormous progress, particularly in the last week or so. The biggest stumbling block was getting them to the point where they finally felt OK about admitting how much they still love each other, and that's a foundation they can work from.

The other problem involves a girl I met a few months ago, who is having some real family issues, and desperately needs someone to talk to, someone to be around, someone to help her get her mind off things other than the total mess she's in.

I like her, I enjoy spending time with her. She seems to like me, and has hinted around that she would like to take things to the "next level." Her sister and a couple of her friends have told me that she talks about me all the time.

The problem is, her best friend is related to my ex-wife. This is a nasty can of worms.

And I'm just totally drained. I've been immersed in these lives for a month, with no life of my own to speak of. And, on some level, I resent that; and then I feel guilty for feeling the resentment. These are people, people I care about, and I have always been Supportive Guy, I have always been the counselor, the therapist, the listener, the helper.

I have always loved that role. It has always been a natural fit for me.

The person I think of as the True Love of My Life is still around, but not interested in a relationship at this point. She leads a busy life. New job, long hours, family obligations beyond all reason. She is still doing stuff for me -- working on my books, designing a website for me, and she is the best at what she does. I love her dearly, more than anyone I have ever known. She wants to be friends. I can live with this, but it's a bit disappointing after months and months of being told "I love you, I need you, I can't live without you, I think about you every 0.022 seconds."

She contacted me last November, after a couple years of no contact and all, and told me about her life, It was a disaster. I helped her get out of that. We spent time together, weekends together, we were on the phone or the IM constantly. It took months to get her out of her mess, but it was worth it. But once she was out of there, she suddenly didn't need me the same way anymore.

It's my own fault. I've been through this with her before.

I'm not angry about it. A little disappointed, a little let down. But I understand why it happened that way. I wouldn't have left her to die in that hellhole, regardless of what she had said, or how she had asked for help, but maybe she didn't know that.

What's the point? I don't know -- I guess I'm just tired. Tired of being ensconced in the middle of everyone else's lives, everyone else's problems. But that's why I studied the things I studied, that's why I spent years learning how to deal with these situations!

So I could help people....

And I have. I've done a good job of it.

But I'm really tired of it all right now.

Just for once -- just for once -- I would like to have someone to turn to when I have a problem.

And I feel guilty about that, too, because -- to be honest -- my life is pretty simple, and my problems tend to be few -- but the few I do have are complicated, and there isn't anybody I know who can do a damn thing about them.

I keep thinking I need a change, but there really isn't anywhere to go -- there really isn't anyone to talk to.

Supportive Guy is running out of fuel here.

Sorry for the rant.

that was touching Lex

Sometimes the people we love or try to help can drain the life right out of you. Sounds like you need a break from them all so you can rejuvinate your loving/giving spirit again!

Gosh, Lex!! I'm sorry you are feeling spent, and it's understandable.
Sometimes you just need to tell others YOU need a break. And, if you insist on always being there for others, without reciprocation, you will always come up worn out. I hope you can find relationships that have give and take. You can't ALWAYS be others' knight!!!Each of us has the need to feel valued, not just for the moment, but forever. You kind of sound like "old me", always wanting to fix others' problems and be their ear for listening, thinking that if you show and prove how wonderful you are, they will love you back. And as I learned, it rarely happens. I ended up feeling VERY used and abused. Hope you find real people with healthier lives and concepts of friendship.

I think for alot of us, I myself included, sometimes forget that that the "Supportive Guy" needs support as well. We tend to think that he's got all the answers and has got it all together. We also forget that he's a normal guy just like the rest of us with the same everyday problems that we all have to deal with. I'm sorry you are in a bad spot right now, and do not feel guilty for being "tired" of hearing or even dealing with other people's problems. I think that you need to step away from your situation at hand for a bit, just so you can regroup. Even if it means going away to a secluded place by yourself. Sometimes, that's all you really need. I hope this helps, even just a little.

Is this a epilogue to your sixth book because it is good!! If this is your life then I would say for once do things you like to do! You do so much for everyone including everyone here on Mingle! My hats off to you my friend.

Now go and live life! Meet the lady who is interested in you for a higher level and enjoy her. Do something crazy and laugh. I would say dress on halloween together and go trick or treating. Sounds corny but maybe you get a good laugh at the end together!

Enjoy life it is too short and when it ends then that is it!

I hope this helps a tiny bit!

Sorry you are feeling burned out Lex. You are an incredible person and great friend. I know first hand how good a person you are. You are in a hard situation, I wish I knew some way to help you. It certainly is your turn for some happiness in your life, you have more than paid your "dues."

I am not a professional, but I would tell you to go for it with the girl who likes you and ask her to not share personal information with her friend who is related to your ex. I know that is a long shot, but still, if you like her and she likes you then go for it and let the blocks fall where they may. Your ex is your ex, and she needs to butt out of your life and leave you alone. You deserve some happiness in your life and just go for it. Maybe this is "the one" and you won't know until you give it a chance.

Those are my "unsolicited" thoughts anyways. Good luck and take care. I am always around if you want to talk. You deserve the best.

Lex, I think the problem is that you're rather unique. There just aren't that many people with the strength, character and common sense that you have. Surely there are others, but they're scarce.

I know about the 'love of my life' thing. And when they remain in your life but don't want to be at that level with you, it's an emotional rollercoaster and an emotional drain.

Having been a beneficiary of your general advice and your smart humor, I wish I had a helpful word of any kind for you. But I do wish you peace and hope you find that person to help share the burden once in a while.

sounds like cabin fever to me. when you have a chance, just do nothing for a day or two get out in the open some where. give yourself some room to grow . thank goodness for the minds and spirit of people like you. thanks for taking the time to care. do something good for you.

If I lived up there where you are, I would bring a six pack and we would get drunk together and go to a strip bar to watch the woman. I think maybe 3 6 packs of beer would be better right before going there. Now that is a good way to vent! lol

Sometimes even the strong branch can break if the wind doesnt let up...

That is very true.
Hope things are going better today, Lex.

Lex, draw from all of us. Make some time just for you.
You know who to talk to from this site. Talk to them.
I'm sure there are many who would be happy to help you
for a change. Allow them the pleasure and joy even of
doing so.

"Help Me Help You." - Jerry Maguire

and from the movie Mumford

Skip Skipperton: You've fallen in love with one of your patients? - Doc! It's not me is it?
Dr. Mumford: What! No, Skip. It's not you, but I like you a lot.



Nessa Watkins: This shrink school you went to, did you hear about it in an infomercial?

Althea Brockett: Why do I feel so elated? Am I in denial?

I appreciate everyone's input.

S1ow is right -- I have drawn from all of you, and from others here as well. It's a difficult thing for me to do, yet it means so much to be able to do it.

I don't really know what's going to happen -- my best friend has entered a phase where he and his wife are getting along much better, although things are a little tentative and a little guarded between them -- which is to be expected. They're both making a real effort though, and that's the main thing.

My other friend is facing a dilemma about whether or not to move in with her aunt. It would be a much better environment for her; but she is reluctant to leave her younger sister to suffer in the old environment. And the old environment is pretty bad -- I checked it out a few times. Had to see for myself, in order to get a fuller picture of the situation. And I would not want to live there for 5 minutes.

Life is, in many ways, a sort of disappointing inertia. On the other hand, my real problems are few -- but deep. It's frustrating -- hard to know what to do, harder to know if there's anything that can be done.

There really isn't anyone around me (in a geographical sense) who can help -- or who would if they could. I don't like this sense of directionlessness, of "it will sort itself out," even though I've seen it happen in the past....

But I appreciate you all for being here, for listening. I thank you. It helps. It means a lot.

Hugs Lex! Sorry for what you are going thru. Sometimes people have buck up and help themselves. You can't really rescue another. You can point them in the direction they need to go but in the end it IS up to them. Some people use others as a crutch. It's really sad.

Nobody can be saved or helped if they don't want to and you can only be there to maybe point them in the right directions (or what we think is the right direction). If by trying to help and be there for someone you are hurting yourself then you are actually not helping them sometimes taking a distant approach might be the only way for you and them.

Lexy.... if I might suggest a break from this young lady, until you are apathetic romantically. Then you can prioritize your feelings in other ways.

The female friend? You know as well as I do that is a disaster. That's great she talks about you all the time, so do I. I would suggest having her rent some movies, read some books, and find a professional she can lean on rather than sucking the life force out of you.

Expect your married friends to compensate you in some way. You need them to, for the sake of your friendship. I don't mean money per se, but there needs to be a balance of boundaries.

You are a wonderful guy. I adore you.... do not let others TAKE.