your son will be fine morena' it just takes time sweetie.

****....im thinking about my kids now and them not knowing their dad!!!!
breathe in breathe out..... your not alone is your pain morena...neither
is your son....my son just turned 11, he and your son share the same
feelings im sure....as do me and you about the situation....if you ever
need anything girl dont hesitate to let me know....if i can help at all
i sure will....

Morena first thing is communication, get him to talk about what he is
feeling, this might help a little. Let him know his daddy always loved
him, and is always looking over his shoulder.
Show him pictures or what you can, teach him who his dad was and howhe
lived, whether it was good or bad, he is old enough to learn these
things now, and better coming from you than anyone else. Just be patient
with him and give him all the love and understanding we all know you
have in you. You show it to us every day, just do the same for him girl.

Sis, again as usual, I am late in topic, but I think that Lex and Bucket
have given you some very excellent advice. Continue with the counsling,
request a different book in school, and bring out the pictures when BOTH
of you guys are ready.

I will hold you and your son in my prayers sweetie.

((((((((((Sis))))))))))))))

All my love

Fine

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your predictament now. Keep
those lines of communication open. Since his pattern has changed at
school this is a sure sign that he is hurting inside and does not know
quite how to release it. A guidance counselor in school may be able to
help w/in the school setting. At home, sit down w/him one on one and
just start talking. Ease into the topic try to keep it light at first.
If you go and attack the issue this will cause him to go deeper w/in
himself. Try to get involved in what he likes to do and try talking
while you are doing it. Try to avoid straight on eye contact, he may
preceive this as challenging. If you have any male relatives in your
area that may be able to drop by and do some activities w/him, this
might help. And most of all give him time, this has been brewing for
some time now and will not resolve quickly. Be patient and see about
getting some family counseling together. I hope all of our suggestions
help. Our family will pray for you and yours

Thank you so much, all of you, I knew I would get good advices here, I
always have, you have been my support, and I love you all so much, they
said this site is addictive, and I say this is home away from home or
sometimes even better, cus we can discuss anything here and you always
get and answer to any problem


thanks again for your advice you guys Rawk!!
I will make it trough this one as I have made it through worse
Im glad to have so many great friends!! , thanks

Morena, this is not a well written as I would like, but I post this for
you with the thought that it might help.

Living with Loss
Death affects many people in many different ways. The death of
a parent or friend can be traumatic for us all, but especially for young
children. Such a loss can affect children deep, leaving emotional scars
that are not as visible as the tears that accompany their initial loss.
Scars while not visible on the outside, nonetheless accompany them
through out their lives. Providing for the psychological and emotional
well being of children who suffer the loss of a parent or friend at an
early stage in life is very important. Failure to do so can be
devastating to their personal lives for years to come. My mother died on
my twelve birthday so I speak from personal experience. Our society at
that time was not attentive or observant to the needs for children
experiencing such grief, and I, like many had to come to grips with the
loss on my own. I speak from my personal experience, because no two
children or the traumas they experience are ever the same. I think it is
very important that our society never allow children to deal with trauma
on their own ever again.
Children are good at hiding their true feelings, and can be
quite inventive at it. The way I dealt with my grief, initially to avoid
the memory of that day, was to change the day I celebrated my birthday.
Although it did not address any of my emotional scars, it did mask them
temporarily. This was not a healthy solution however and the idea of
holidays and birthdays still cause a deep depression to overcome me. I
tend to avoid them by isolating myself emotionally and physically from
friends, family, and anyone that shows enjoyment and happiness. I know
they can suddenly turn into the worst day of your life. Physiological
consoling can help to recognize this danger, and help children to open
up and deal with these emotions in a healthier way.
The next patch that I applied to my emotional scarring was no
better. I made a conscious decision, repeatedly, not to allow people to
get too close to me emotionally. I did not want to experience the grief
if they should die or leave my life. No, it is better and easier not to
allow for that kind of emotional attachment. Once I did allow a close
friendship, only to end when my best friend Jack, committed suicide.
This incident, even though I was an adult at the time, only reinforced
my reasons for self-isolation.
Sleeping was another problem I have had to deal with, as I am
sure others have as well. Waking to my mothers screams at five am that
morning, so long ago. I have always hated going to sleep at night
putting it off and making excuses because I feared waking to another
tragedy that would alter my life forever. At first, I would fight sleep
anyway I could until eventually exhaustion would overcome me. Then, I
would suffer with nightmares and fits of anxiety waking several times
through out the night. As time went by rather than it becoming easier to
sleep, I became better at avoiding it. I became a work alcoholic
volunteering for double and weekend shifts. In the military, I would
volunteer for extra guard duties at Christmas and holidays. This
accomplished three things for me, it allowed me to help people with
families be at home with their loved ones, it appeared as though I was
ambitious to my superiors, which brought on promotions and pay raises,
but most of all it allowed me the isolation at holidays that I thrived.
Psychological counseling at the earliest time can help children
recognize and learn to cope with problems like these, before they start
to affect their life.
People are unable to see all the ways that death can affect
children. They might see reckless behavior, troubles with the law as a
teenager, or drugs and interpret it as just a bad kid, rather than an
extension of what is really an emotional escape. Some children resort to
suicide as a way of dealing with the emotional scars. For me it was
racing cars, drugs, anything dangerous, or life threatening, a
willingness to sacrifice myself to the possibility of death, without
committing suicide, which would keep me from a reunion with my mother in
heaven.
Directly related to the trauma of my mother’s death are failed
marriages, and an inability to allow friendships. I can see that these
failures were due to my inability to get close or allow others to get
close to me. This inability to show love and happiness at holidays
affected every aspect of my family life. Even while writing this I think
who needs friendships, but I know the hard way that this can only lead
to more loneliness and sorrow, and I must avoid this pull to isolation.
I have four brothers close to my age and I can see the effects that our
mother’s death had on them as well. At forty-six years old, I am still
trying to deal with personal problems, which are not easily altered
after so many years. Many of my self-therapy techniques have become
habits that make me who I am. I write this personal story so because I
believe in the future; we can make a difference to other children.
I applaud our society today when I see on the news, or hear
first hand efforts to provide counseling and care to children who
experience trauma from the death of someone close. If children who
suffer traumatic events receive psychological treatment early, they can
learn to cope with these problems before they have to experience them
for their self as I have. The effects on children not receiving
psychological help as early as possible are far greater than many people
realize. This should be a priority for every society on earth, in order
to develop strong well-adjusted citizens.

Its a rough draft and full of errors but I hope you can understand it.

just checkin on you morena!!!!

hey, guys, just wanted to let you know that just came back from the
therapist, and I feel much better, you guys are better then any
therapist in the whole world, everything that is written on this tread,
is same things the therapist will suggest and much more, you guys are
the best, and that is the reason why I love you so much!! my son is now
open to talk about it and Im going to get some help from the school, he
will join the boy scouts where he will have a big brother and hopefully
this will help, your great guys, from the bottom of my heart, I thank
you, I was desperate and hurting today and you guys where there for me,
great advices.

(((((Morena))))))

Glad to hear that MO!!

Hello Morena,
I am concerned about your situation with your son.
I suggest, you spend as much time you can
with your son and become a "good listener". Sometimes, WE as parents
want to TaLK but in your case, I want you to LISTEN to your son and he
will work it out. He is going through a phase
right now and it too shall pass......Most of all PRAY to GOD and ask him
for guidance and he will guide you.

((((((((((((((((((familia)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

my advice is talk to him about how good his dad was and tell him he is
with the lord and he will see him again someday. and dad didnt go
because of him. let him know dad loved him and you.

Glad to hear the good news! Hope all goes well

Lady Morena..You're doing the right thing by trying to get him some
help. Between his age now thru around 15 are gonna be tough.
Along with a lot of the other people on this site, I've dealt with
similar situations. If there's any way I can help you just let me know.
Keep your chin up! He's got one hell of an example in you.

anyone your son can talk to- like another reliable adult? i know that my
son, shortly after a major incident, started hiding in the bathroom
during lunch. i knew this was so unlike him for he is so social. i took
him to another trusted adult at his school and said here talk to him
because i know sometimes no matter what kind of relationship you have
with your kids there are things they cannot talk to their parents about.
two sessions later he was back to his old self. i donot know what was
discussed nor do i care- just that he received what he needed. also
maybe under the circumstances, he should be exempt from reading that
book or discussing it.

Morena. This is a hard one!! I will give it some thought. But in the
meantime. What did your son say is his problem? (It seems like U got the
info from the teacher.)What does your SON SAY will fix the problem,
since his father cannot return. Also it could be that he is sleeping,
hoping to DREAM ABOUT HIS FATHER TOO. Some Preachers might tell him
that he WILL SEE his father AGAIN, if they are both saved in the earth
made new. So he can do his part by trying to be as good as he can
with's the Almighty's help. But in the meantime, one of his uncles or
soon U will get the right role model subtitute, as a stepfather. Tell
him U too wish you can see him and be with him, so please console U as
he cannot come back. Try reversing the theraphy. Try to get him to
console YOU INSTEAD. You are very bright from what I have noticed in
your posts, so you may have tried all these already. I am not an expert
here but I am struggling to decode the answer to this problem like if it
was mine. And indeed, in a way it is. Also you may have already tried to
discover if that is the real problem or a decoy. Does he sleep well at
night or up playing games on the computer? What time of the day is this
subject? Is he hungry by then? Could the teacher CHANGE that book to see
what happens? Maybe for a week as other children will also have an
ABSENT father? I cannot see that book being a good book with absentee
parents being a very potent reality. What are the games you try playing
with him in the meantime? Any masculine games? It's tough for you
because U work and work I'm sure. As I said, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT.
PRAYERS FOR YOU!