At the moment I'm a bit lost because I won't mention her name but my very best friend really isn't taking care of her kids the way she should every time i'm over there which is every week the house is filthy to say the very least and it smells of some sort of dead animal, there aren't ever any clean dishes and i've seen the floor vaccumed twice all that is bad and i've stomached it for awhile but this passed week when i went over there she put one of the kids in the highchair the tray was full of dry cereal from that morning and instead of cleaning it off she put the supper plate on top of it all that made me mad but again i said whatever her youngest sits in wet diapers for hours at a time and many times they lay on the kitchen floor instead of being thrown away its really a bad unhealthy environment its seriously unsanitary but she's been my best friend for 6 years we've been through a lot together part of me wants to call CPS maybe then she'd clean up her act but if i were to do that she would feel like i betrayed her all i want is whats best for the kids nobody deserves to grow up like that but for some reason part of me is scared to say something.

is there a right answer here? one thats at least a little painless

The door is the key

Have you tried talking to her about it? Granted I'm sure it's a touchy subject, but if you guys are best friends, you should be able to discuss with her openly and honestly. I gotta say though, that if you do say something to her and she's not receptive, and then you call CPS, chances are, she'll probably assume it was you that did it.

Nicki....she is your best friend...let her know...the kids can become very ill because of her lack of responsibility....let her know you are concerned for their health...and hers....if she doesn't take the hint...then indeed, let someone know...and if you do it...she will never know who made the call. The important thing is that the children live in a safe, clean environment...and better you talk to her than someone that doesn't care.

I think you should talk to your friend- maybe she is going through some sort of crisis or depression and then do what is best for the kids

you know in your heart what you have to do.

i've talked to her she blows it off

how many kids does she have?
she just might have given up

Then I would let her know...get your act together...or I'm making the call....you must think of the babies

If she hasn't always been like that I would try talking to her first. Find out what's bothering her.
I turned my sister into DHR when she decided being a drunk was more fun than taking care of her kids. Call me heartless, but her kids were removed from a bad situation and my sister is still a drunk and probably doesn't even remember.

you cant give up it doesnt matter the number of babies thats no excuse

Sounds like you already know the answer Nicki

id shouldnt matter but sometimes it does

she might feel like shes over berdened(?)


some girls just need a night out every once in awhile for "mommy time"

I take parenting class i signed up for cuz my son tends to be hyper, and the lady i do the classes with is pretty cool, we have talked about dirty houses cuz i sometimes get overwelmed and she says my house is fine, she said even if it was bad we wouldn't remove the kids, we would put a system and ppl in place to help you, i think you might have to be the one to get her the help she and those kids need.

Welcome and have a blast!

You don't say what she says, exactly, when you try to talk to her about it. Also you're not giving any background about why you think this is going on--you must know more about it than you are expressing here, if this is really your best friend, as you say.

From what you're describing this is something a lot more than just some dirty dishes in the sink or a baby with a dirty diaper.

Do you think this is due to a drug problem? Is she seriously depressed because of some traumatic incident? Is she involved in an abusive relationship?

What does she say when you try to talk to her? How does she "blow it off"...?

Others here may know you but I don't know you; all I have to go on is what you're saying in this post.

DON'T let calling the law or social services be the first thing you do. You have not exhausted all your options yet.

If this was me, and if it was someone I cared about, the first thing I would do is get a few people together--family members, friends, people from church, coworkers, whoever--and get some cleaning supplies and go over there and just demand that she allow me to clean her house up. I would tell her that it was either that or we would be talking to the DHS, her choice. If she got angry, I would tell her that's ok, she could get angry, but I would clean the house up anyway and make sure that there was food in the refrigerator and clean diapers for the baby before I left.

If she refused to let me help her in this direct and simple way, I would then have a number of witnesses (so it wouldn't be just me trying to interfere in someone's home life, right?). The next thing I would do is take those people and go straight to the police station that same day and ask them to do a welfare check.

Don't call DHS yourself, you'll have to go through too many channels and you'll end up getting frustrated. Have your witnesses make the report with you and tell the police officers what they saw at this house and express their concerns that there are child health and safety issues involved.

The police will then be the ones that make the decision about whether to get DHS involved or not. At the very least it will shame your friend into doing something about the problem, or getting help if she is unable to do anything by herself, and then at least the authorities will be aware of the situation so they can keep an eye on things.

Don't feel guilty! if it's as bad as you say it is, someone needs to do something, and soon.

But more details are really needed here. There must be a reason that she has changed like this, if she wasn't this bad before.

I hope this helps. Good luck! xoxoxo

I have to agree with everyone, talk to her first, and then do what you know is right in your heart. I do have to say that we did that with my sister and her first husband and child services did not do anything. So just remember that when you place that call, they may not do anything the first time. You might also try and go over and help her clean the house once or twice and see if that jump starts her. If the kids are old enough you can teach them to pick up after themselvs, that way she will have some help. Just dont make it a habit of going over there and cleaning up for her. Just something you might try. Good luck to you and your friend.

Have you thought about cleaning it up for her?