lhb...entertain us all....


sometime i wish i could spell...other times. not so much

this is going well...

Ok, give me a minute for my auto dictation and sat com to set up...

Ok. So my cousin jason wanted revenge on todd and I in a very big way after the 2 year long running joke of us teasing him about being exactly like "patrick" from sponge bob. He wanted to embarass us in public like we did to him. Unfortunately, he's such a patrick that even his revenge backfired. Here we go....

This one guy who lived for a couple of years with me and the guys in my band was a Harley Davidson mech by profession and also did shotgun reloads/trap shooting, stunt riding, flat track racing, and hosts of other "manly" things. He was only 5'2" and weighed 110 pounds (I could easily pick him up). He had a really cute a$$ and liked to wear tight pants, and he also had long, very well kept, blonde hair (and a long blonde beard).

When we would sit in a bar "Doc" (not his real name) would often sit with his back to the door. Men would come into the bar, see that long blonde hair and cute little butt in tight jeans sitting on the bar stool, and sport an immediate horn. When it started to seem as though some hapless male was getting ready to come up and talk to us, I would signal Doc, who would turn to the side ever so slightly so that the gent could also see his beard.

Oh, the hilarity! The expressions that would cross these guys' faces! With some of them you could tell that it would be at least a week before that guy was capable of getting an erection again. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

EDIT: Sorry, I didn't realize you were in the middle of a story. My bad.

So I was dating this girl named angie. She cheated on me so I broke up with her. I went over to grab a few of my things I had left at her place. While there she says " Hey, I got your cousin jasons class ring. You will probably see him before I do, so why don't you take it and give it to him." I said ok. You see my cousin jason dated angie for awhile before I did. Ok you with me so far?

and then??

yep

and then there was this one time at band camp......

So I call jason up and tell him to meet me at the bar. I'm buying. He shows up. We have a few beers. Then he of course turns into patrick from spongebob. He found out I had broken up with angie and figured it was his chance at revenge and embarassing me in public. So he started in with the "I dated her before you" jokes. "What's it like to stick your d!ck in a warm jar of mayonaise because that's what it mustve been like after I stretched that box! So kyle how do you like sloppy seconds?". This went on for about a half hour with the whole bar full of people roaring in laughter at my expense and jason finally thinking he got revenge on me for the embarassing him in public.....

......that's when I reached in my pocket and pulled out jasons class ring and set it on the bar for all to see. Jason says "Hey! That's my class ring. I thought I lost it! Where did you find it?" I announced to everyone "Well you see jason I was fingering angies pu$$y out one night and felt something hard, so I reached in there and pulled your class ring out. I figured you'd want it back." The crowd roared and I drank my beer and left. Patricks revenge flopped.

Even jasons mom laughed. But she said I'm a disgusting fukking pig.

In which todd replied "Are you patricks mom? You know patricks still looking for his parents!" "f*ck you todd!"

"So you really are jasons mom? What was it like to change his diaper and wipe his little starfish?" "F*ck you kyle!"

For everyone who is lost.... Go to the spongebob squarepants thread that ddn started in parenting.

<----- miffed you ignored my offers to cook for you in bribery....

You got it for free, and didn't have to sit through a bad date.... Count your blessings.

"You guys think your bad just because you own harleys!" "Well they're a lot cooler than your tandem bubble bike patrick". "F*ck you todd. F*ck you kyle".

I'm sorry I missed you Sat. My friend had a toothache and had to go home, I had not heard from you and didn't know if you were coming, so I just left too. Your gift is in my car.

Todd and I have seen every spongebob squarepants episode. We have even rode the spongebob squarepants mystery mine simulator ride at the mall of america. Its like you're actually in the cartoon. Freaking hilarious.