Do I get to be the first genuine dumbass to post in this conversation?

Everyone has issues. Sometimes it's baggage, as it aged beyond being an issue.
Sometimes.
Here are intelligent people, which is nothing new, nor even rare. If it is truly not a rarity, then the intelligence is not the reason for being alone. Or are they not smart enough to know how to find the right person for them? Supporting each other's brightness is approving of shooting yourselves in the feet.

Smartness = Old issue = Baggage.

Have a wonderful day!

HHHHMMMMM Lex,

I see a couple lessons in that post.

1) You need to start charging for your therapy and advice. Sounds like you could make a decent supplemental income at it.

2)**refer back to lesson 1** When your friends come over because they need "supportive guy" make sure they bring the meat for the BBQ and the BEER!

3) Whenever one of your female friends is in need of "supportive Guy" you should preceed each session with "So how do you feel about me?"

because maybe somewhere down deep, they keep seeking you out for advice not only because your wisdom has seen them through many a heartache and trial, but because subconciously they are really attracted to you and really just want you to tell them how badly you want them too!

I know I WOULD!!!

OH and I need to schedule every other friday afternoon please... I got issues and NEED "Supportive Guy"

There are many times I feel crappy and think of calling you, Lexy. But I don't ever to just chat, so that is why I don't. The same reason I know you'd drop everything to listen to me is exactly why I don't call.

This topic is actually of interest to me; my main heartthrob majors in psychology and intends to work in that field. Yes, I was horrified when I found out; when he admitted this to me it was with some hesitation, because I had already told him about my loathing for doctors. He hastily added that the particular field in which he intends to employ his eventual degree is forensics.

It sounds to me as though you have not fully explored the benefits of your knowledge of psychology, and suppose that the best use for your stated talents is to provide a shoulder for some weak person to cry on.

That is so not the case!

There's SO MUCH MORE you can do with a talent for psychology. Helmut has definitely shown me that. For example, it makes you a better scammer and user of people. It makes you a better liar. It makes you more able to get things you want without having to threaten or scare others. It makes you better able to deal with the mentally deficient, animals, and small children. Really--the list of possible applications is nearly endless.

It's like thinking that all you can do with your Art major is house painting, right?

See, I am one of those people who dislikes Supportive Guy, and actually gets a sort of creepy feeling whenever he walks into the room, even if he's not wearing his nametag. But Social Engineering Guy--I'm that guy's biggest fan. ;)

My long-haired, handsome, vicious, smart, guitar-playing hero can actually apply his psychologic talents to acting like he gives a damn every so often, too. "I know how to be nice," he will often point out. "It's just that I seldom see a need for it." And how true that is! Girls fawn all over Social Engineering Guy, and sometimes even fight over him. (*Sigh* he's so dreamy!)

Just yesterday evening I admitted to Helmut over the phone that I had been tempted to blame him for something unfortunate that had happened to me a few weeks ago. After listening to me ramble on about this incident and how the whole thing made me feel--he never interrupts, and one does get the impression that he is ACTUALLY LISTENING--he waited for a few seconds to see if I was going to say anything else, and then replied:

"Well, you know if you had actually said that it was my fault, I would have just told you that I don't care, right?"

It made tears of joy spring to my eyes.

Anyway, it appears to me that you are seeing the glass as half empty. There's SO MUCH MORE you can do with a talent for psychology. I hope this was helpful. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

Yea dont have that 879000 mile rule...

If a "supportive guy" got into a fight with a "nice guy", who would win?

Tell them therapy is expensive! Bubblewrap is cheap!

Seriously...I've been there, and it stinks! You spend hours, days, weeks..."helping them" & giving them your well thought out advice...just to have them do the opposite when given the chance and ignore you when everything is fine and dandy again.

if i had to make a list of things i'd most want/need from a guy that i were in a relationship with, support would rank pretty high up there.

by support, i don't necessarily mean only an ear or a sounding board (although i do include that as well). rather, someone who were willing to not only believe me, but believe in me.

someone who not only recognized when i needed that support, but knew in what capacity, i.e. standing up for me, standing beside me, listening only, even taking up for me.

regardless of how independent a woman is, or even thinks she is, i think sometimes we all need the support of our significant other. there's always a rough spot in our lives, sometimes it's a big one, where you need more than an ear, sometimes it's no more than a snafu, but still there's always something for which to need each other.

i wouldn't toss that aside. in fact, i'd hold it pretty darn close as i find it valuable, and a rarity.

however, it isn't the only trait i'd want in a man. if that were all he offered, or he didn't possess other characteristics that i want as well, then i wouldn't be able pursue a romantic/sexual relationship with him.

I hear you, a man can only truly be supportive if he understands a woman and listens to her.

yes, but that's only part of what i was trying to say.

it's more that support is only one of the qualities that he needs to have if the woman is going to stick with him after the issue at hand has been resolved.

besides, we're (women and men) are constantly having 'issues' - meaning that there is always something that they need their partner for, however small the problem.

so, if she's leaving after her problem is fixed, then maybe the guy just didn't have all the other components she wanted in order for to date him. it doesn't make her a user, she may truly value his friendship but, if comfort is all he can give her, then friendship will be all she can deliver.

does that make any more sense?

In this particular instance, I'm mainly referring to one specific person who was in a very bad situation, who came back into my life after an absence of several years, and who claimed, for months, that she had never stopped thinking about me and wanted nothing more than to get back together and make it permanent.

I almost literally had to pull her out of her mess with pliers and a crowbar, but I did it.

As soon as she was free from the old, bad stuff, it was like "Well, screw you, buddy, I'm fine now. Get lost."

It's not the Supportive Guy angle I have problems with. It's being lied to, solely for the purpose of activating Supportive Guy. Everything I did for her, I would gladly have done without all the lies. Maybe she didn't figure it that way; I don't know, but there's a difference between "I need your help" as opposed to "I need your help and I have always loved you and I will prove it to you once I get out of this mess" and never meaning a word of it. A difference of integrity.

Papersmile,
Oh yes, I got you, I guess I was just totally emphasizing that one main point. I'm sorry. You were more than clear. Always are...



Are saying what I think you're saying, Sexy Lexy....?

maybe she said it to make herself believe it; thus making it easier to ask for, and accept, your help?

Beats the asshole everyone hates off the bat...I'm supportive, are people taking advantage of it? Possibly, but what else is support for if not to be taken advantage of at the get go? If they toss me aside, their loss...not mine.

Exactly.

I will reefer you to my friend "Mumford"

http://www.contactmusic.com/new/film.nsf/reviews/mumford

I used to be a "Yes" guy. Mr problem solver. Mr answer man. Mr nice guy easy listener easy contemplator. Mr savior. Mr wet shoulder from those crying on it. Mr couch to sleep on when sh!t goes down. Mr nice guy but I wouldn't sleep with him because "were freinds". Mr takes care of me when I'm in need and that's only the time I visit him.........f*ck that. After 20 years of holding hands, wiping asses and tears they need a freaking wakeup call for all the stupid sh!t they got themselves into and are not smart enough to get themselves out of. Adopt the truth mentality that "Red" has from 'That 70s show'. "You're a dumbass" works well. And quit answering the door after 10 pm. That's when those crying mascara smeared half drunk chicks whose boyfreind/ girlfreind/ husband/ dad/ mom/ roomate/ transvestite lover has had a spat with them and they need that love/ support/ psychologist/ doctor/ money. The twilight zone hours. Don't answer the door! Its not a zombie waiting to eat your brain. Its worse. Its the dependency monster! And it will suck you dry!!!

Or in your case lex buddy- make sure she's legit before commit. If it smells like sh!t, looks like sh!t, feels like sh!t, it most likely is sh!t. In other words lex....make sure she shows her t!ts before you don the superman suit. Should be a rule.