I just received a call this evening from my ex wanting to come back into my life. He was actually quite cordial and accommodating to the needs that I stated when we split.
Putting it out there this evening to hear your thoughts as he stated a very good compilation and a promise of total loyalty. Do I dare take the risk and put myself in that place once again with the sunshine he's blowing up my a$$ or should I remain calloused?

they are an ex for a reason right?

Open your heart to me baby. We can work out all our problems.

Theres a reason hes an ex... i dont want to sound hateful but why on earth would you think he would make the changes you needed him to make before now???

Its just my own personal "thing" but I dont ever go back. When I say its over.. that means its over..

Just think things thru carefully..With your head NOT your heart...it would hurt twice as much to get back with him and have him do it all over again...


Good Luck

There's no way to give a really good answer to a question like this. How long were you together? Why did you break up? (etc)

I mean if you broke up over a mild dissatisfaction or disagreement, and now he's having second thoughts--that's one thing.

If you broke up because he was stealing from you and beating you, that's entirely another thing.

In any case, I hope things work out to the satisfaction of all. yours in Chaos, Scarlett

I have seen couples get back together and succeed.. It all depends if there are issues that need resolving. I tried it with my ex wife, and it didn't work, and also tried it with an ex g/f. That didn't work either.

But I have seen a few couples survive after getting back together. If it's what you want, take it slow, and don't settle. Best of luck to you.

Run to the hills
Run for your life

hey .. i tottaly agree on they are an ex for a reason because sweety its not going to be like old times and he might break your heart again.. trust me ive been there and back many times with all my exs thinking they would change.. some guys do change but not all do and especialy for a girl. if anybody is gonna change there gonna do it for themselves... think about it.

Oh but lill_bit? What happened with mike?(you know me)

Actually, the reason we split was because of the children from his previous marriage. It was not him at all....he was wonderful but the kids were just plain evil. They are both out of the house now and 'he' says he realizes the toll they took on me.
In a sense, I want to take that chance that he really loved me and as we enjoyed each other, we had difficulty with teenage tribulations.
THAT is the only reason I am considering this, but in the same token, the kids may return even though he has realized and vocalized that he will no longer support their habits.
Just reaching out this evening as this has become complicated.

Instead of Sunshine, Check for SMOKE..

What would Dr. Phil say?

Given the reasons for your break up, I might consider it, but would proceed only with EXTREME caution.

The situation with my stbx? Different story...it's the one & only time when I will say never, never again!

He would say"sorry peasants but there aint nobody as perfect as me an Robin"

Only YOU know the answer to this...listen to the little voice inside yourself. If you love him then maybe its worth a try. But again don't listen to me or anyone elsc...you already hold the answer inside. Good luck to you whatever road you choose!

If it was because of the kids (and he realizes that) and they are gone now then it might be worth a try! I know my ex always said he would try to change, but the changes never lasted-but this doesn't sound like a scenario like that! I guess the only other question would be-how does he plan on handling it differently if the kids do come back on the scene? The man needs a plan!
Best wishes-this one might work out for you!

The kids may be out of the house, buy they're still his kids and probably still jerks. What will happen when they come around wanting money or a place to stay, "just for a while"?

Whew tough call.

There is nothing like the love of a parent for a child. It will over look suffering like no other. The mind ceases to work and the heart takes over. I have seen parent die a slow death for their children. I have seen siblings caught in the crossfire. Families reduced to ashes and the child is still lost.

Some parent have the strength to save the ones they can and be tough with the child that needs to learn from their own consequences. Usually it is later than sooner and everyone involved is forever scarred.

Sounds like you might be in that terrible situation of trying to be a spouse that still loves a parent in agony and hopes that they have the where with all to stand strong. Sounds like a bitter loss but some lessons are learned the hard way.

A lot would depend on the age of the child. I am sorry if the child is a minor the odds are very very much stacked against you.

If the child is an addict as a result of the parent or the parent feels they are...same result.

If the parent is convinced with out a shadow of a doubt that there is NO WAY, not even a visit in home, that this child can come into the family...you have a shot,

If this child is an adult; you have a shot. Not a good one, but a shot. At least you can have him arrested if he does something to tresspass your home as an adult. The shakey part comes if your partner lets him in; then you are stuck.

What too often happens is they use grandkids as amunition to over-whelm the parent and get a second chance. Then your problem grow like you can not even imagine.

My best advice is to say Hey Fool me once Shame on You. Fool me twice shame on me. It sounds hard core but families are not about looking out for just the person in crisis and hoping everyone else survives but looking out for everyone. Sounds to me like too much went too far and you and the kids, forget whose they are for a moment, got the worst end of the deal and you the person he claims to have put before all other, that old vow thing keeps popping up, well that went in the dirt. Children come through you, and leave, hopfully whole and ready for the world but some kids have to leave their families or destroy them and it is the parent(S) who get stuck with this decision. Sounds like Dad passed the buck and you moved what was left of your abandoned family to higher ground; now that the realization that you were right sets in he wants a do over.

Maybe you can forgive him. I have seen marriages get past this crisis. It is hard very hard but they do it. Not one but together.

Maybe you know it took him a little longer to get to saturation than it did you. Parents don't come to the same bridge at the same time on all things.

He came back that says something. Takes a hell of a person to say they are wrong or sorry, Did he qualify it or make excuses or really own up to the situation?

That he needs you is not enough. You needed him and he let you down. He has to recognize that. And let you heal from that at your own pace.

Same for every other family member he wants to take him back. Your other children should get a say in this deal. Yea you are the head of your family but they should have rights that sounds like got trampled and they don't have to like this one bit. If they don't it will die in the water.

The real sand is shown when they show they mean it. Has he set down a plan for this kid? Does he know where this kid is going to go? Does he have back up to make sure he doesn't cave in. This kind of parenting will not happen in a vacume. Will his friends and family support all of you or him? Has he made the kid come to you and yours and own up for your misery? Will he have this kid arrested if he violates the sanctity of your home? Will he sign a pre-nup that says he is out under said conditions? No to any of these and I would say forget it.

Maybe you will get past the crisis or just recycle it in and never ending loop. What I know from very personal experience it is the hardest thing in the world for him too and he is in agony and will be until this child is doing well or dies. Often it is the later. You have to be prepared for that if you really want to be his wife and helpmate again. Only you know in your heart what the truth is. I really am glad I am not you tonight. My prayers for wisdom and peace are with you.

IM me if you need too. I rarely take anything off the boards but this is one time I would be glad to resource you if you need some help.

iron maiden

nice!!