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| Topic: Advice on what to do | |
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You see I've been with my bf for 4 years 1/2. We have 2 kids together but yet we are always fighting. This morning i talked to my mom and we could say she gave me a slap to reality. She told me that they way my bf is acting, it was the same way my dad started when he was dating my mom. Then he became abusive and started hitting her, and now i am kinda scared that my bf will do the same thing to me as my dad did to my mom. He has become very controlling and manipulating over everything, and now he is totally refusing me to go back home since he says he wants the kids to be with him and yes i can understand that since he wasn't much with them last year cause he was in basic training for the military. I don't really want to have to go to court for custody of the kids but part of me is saying to do it n e ways since he wont listen to me when i talk to him. Any ideal or advice that you guys could give me would be really helpful.  tough situation. If he ever actually hits you then call the cops. I hope someone here knows what to tell you about the other stuff.
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Edited by
MirrorMirror
on
Mon 09/08/08 03:02 PM
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My ex went thru PTSD and when the stress pushed him the anger was unbelievable. My getting us out (4 kids) was the best thing ever .. not just for us but for him. He couldn't get well until he was alone and could de-stress. Same here. For a long time there was no actual violence, but the threat of it was ALWAYS there. I can remember literally walking around numb for weeks on end, afraid I was going to say or do something that would be the last straw. Then one day the last straw happened. It wasn't pretty. Thank God my son wasn't there. My husband held me in our home, alternately beating me and making me sit in a chair for hours on end. He dragged me into the bedroom, slammed my head into a marble table top (I had a brain aneurysm a few years later), announced he was going to kill me and went for his gun. I told him if he did, he'd be shooting me in the back, and I ran like the wind to the neighbors next door. The police stripped him naked and put him in a "protective" (padded) cell. He was given the choice of prison or a mental hospital, and he took the hospital. It was a long haul for him, but he finally cooperated with his doctors and counselors, and last I heard he was having a fairly normal life...far far away! That dont sound quite right.  Thats the procedures we follow when someone is suicidal.
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I think you already know the answer, you are just looking for someone to confirm what you already know. I did that myself. All my friends thought my bf was a loser and so did my kids, but it took me a while to see it. If he makes you miserable, if you already think you'd be better off if you left him, if you two are fighting a lot and if you can't be your own person or if he's only happy with you doing what he says, it's time to kick his ass to the curb. Don't ever let someone control you and manipulate you into being someone you're not just to make himself happy. If he loved you, he'd let you be who you are and wouldn't be fighting with you all the time. Your mom's right on this one.
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Edited by
Jess642
on
Fri 09/12/08 02:26 PM
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Hmmmmmm....
Go home honey.... seek custody once home with Mum and Uncle Karma... First though, ask yourself where his insecurity is coming from.....? How much of it do you own? Have you been completely IN this relationship since you moved? Is it possibly the changes made from living with Mum, and Uncle karma, it is just that your partner can now be the alpha male of his own domain? And really, when has ANYONE been able to tell you what to do? You are one of the ballsiest young women I know... Perhaps go home for a visit, and get rid of the homesick blues... then think about where it is you belong... It sucks losing the safety net you had at home, doesn't it? |
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