This fellow comes to confession. "Father, he said, forgive me
for I have sinned."
The priest asked, "What did you do, my son?"
"I lusted," the fellow replied.
"Tell me about it," the priest said.
The fellow then related his story. "Father, I am a deliveryman
for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluent
section of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened and
there stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She
had long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressed
in a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And,
she asked if I would like to come in."
"And, what did you do, my son?" asked the priest.
"Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how I
lusted," replied the man.
"Your sin has been forgiven," replied the priest. "You will get
your reward in heaven, my son."
"A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?"
the fellow asked.
The priest replied, "I think a bale of hay would be appropriate,
you jackass."








Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the
same time. The Italian boy's father presents him with a new pistol.
On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy
receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys
are showing each other what they got. They each liked what the
other one got, so, they traded.
That night, when the Italian boy is at home, his father sees him
looking at the watch. "Where did you getta thatta watch?" asks the
man. The boy explains that he and Sammy had traded. The father
blows his top. "Whatta you? Stupidda boy? Whatsa matta you!"
"Somma day, you maybe gonna getta married. Then maybe somma
day you gonna comma home and finda you wife inna bed with
another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Looka atta you watch and
say, `How longa you gonna be?'"






I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there:

They have no wife to go home to...
or they do.