Community > General Discussion

Previous 1 2 Next

Topic: Another day wasted
Pinky01 Joined Fri 01/18/08 Posts: 3492	Sat 08/09/08 02:57 AM
Last night, was possibly one of the worst nights i've had in my life. So a few months ago, there was an incident with a guy who... couldn't keep his hands to himself... well it almost went a little further than that, but im not going into detail, he also tried the same thing with a friend of mine... But after that he was asked to apologize by mutual friends within our group.. He refuse to apologize and instead called me a tramp and a tease and said that i got what i deserved. The past month after it happened, instead of going through the legal system, i let it be, if i didn't see him it would be fine. However, he started to come into my job, calling me a b!tch and whatnot.. and because i said something back, my manager yelled at me for being rude to a customer because he was friends with him and his boss... At this point I'm furious.. but after tonight enough is enough. My Friends and I are regulars at our local theatre every night for Rocky Horror Picture show, I have friends on cast and in audiance. Knowing that he was not supposed to be there he showed up, stayed outside, but he was still there.. I kinda freaked out immediatly wanted to go out there and beat the hell out of him.. But my friends took me behind the building so i can have a cigarette and calm down, I was crying, shaking, hypervenilating.. So we went into the lobby to get a drink, my short temper came back and i ran straight to the door only to be grabbed by a friend who's twice my size literally picking me up off the ground kicking.. he put me back down and i went for the door again.. this time two friends blocked the door, and i got carried off again ( for my own good ) Later on in the night he left... When the show was over I was in the rest room washing my makeup off from crying.. Someone came in telling me to stay in the bathroom, I ran back out trying to get outside so i could give him a peice of my mind.. Only to be stopped by five people that had to hold me back, and try to calm me down. I was histerical... Again, crying, shaking, having problems breathing.. It gets me soo fustrated to think that a guy can have me worked up that much.. I seriously just dont know what to do at this point. Sorry For such a long post, but i really needed to get that out.. I just need advice as to what to do here, i'm completely lost

lil_bit Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 1685	Sat 08/09/08 03:03 AM
It's called a restraining order

trying_to_fly Joined Thu 10/05/06 Posts: 6258	Sat 08/09/08 03:04 AM
Wow....you know, I had a problem with a girl like that once who was involved with me. She ended up hiting me in the chest like 5 times and I told her to leave my home. I should've called the cops but, I didn't. I broke up with her and just ignored her. Don't let him get to you pinky. It's just what he wants. He's laughing inside knowing it's getting to you this bad and it is, I know it is but, you can't let him see this. If he's somewhere you are, just ignore him. Let you get the best of HIM!! You can do it....just try it and you'll see. I'm behind ya 110%!!!!!

metalhead1969 Joined Thu 07/24/08 Posts: 4108	Sat 08/09/08 03:05 AM
u type faster lil definatly. the dude is harrasing u. u have grounds to do it. coming into ur work, hanging outside a place he's banned from just to f**k w/ u. get the order.

trying_to_fly Joined Thu 10/05/06 Posts: 6258	Sat 08/09/08 03:08 AM
u type faster lil definatly. the dude is harrasing u. u have grounds to do it. coming into ur work, hanging outside a place he's banned from just to f**k w/ u. get the order. Never thought of that.....Metal head and lil is right....you should get that. I agree....

boneyjoe Joined Sun 12/09/07 Posts: 6196	Sat 08/09/08 03:08 AM
don't know th hole story

catchme_ifucan Joined Fri 11/03/06 Posts: 24221	Sat 08/09/08 03:11 AM
Smile!! It will piss him off worse. Don't let him take up space in your head.. Just feel sorry for him that he has to put people down to make himself look better... fuk him in the neck he ain't worth your time gurlie!! Then if he ever does put hands on you again stomp his azz.. Peace!

Peccy Joined Thu 06/28/07 Posts: 17181	Sat 08/09/08 03:12 AM
restraining order

catchme_ifucan Joined Fri 11/03/06 Posts: 24221	Sat 08/09/08 03:14 AM
It might piss him off more to get a restraining order on him.. don't let him get to you if you don't react he might go away.

metalhead1969 Joined Thu 07/24/08 Posts: 4108	Sat 08/09/08 03:14 AM
restraining order eloquent...

Pinky01 Joined Fri 01/18/08 Posts: 3492	Sat 08/09/08 03:18 AM
I dont know if any of you are from jersey.. But it's incredibly hard to get a restraining order.. especially now that they're trying to pass laws to make it harder... and i'm not sure about it because the initial incident was so long ago, even though i have two eye witnesses, but the court can't go on hear-say... So I feel like I have no case to put forth.. I really just dont want to go through this whole legal system again... ive been through it all before... and it's absolute HELL.... and I tried ignoring him.. which is why i didnt go to the cops first... and then he started going into my job..

lil_bit Joined Fri 01/25/08 Posts: 1685	Sat 08/09/08 03:26 AM
He is stalking you when he shows up at your "job" the restraining order is a cakewalk. You are starting to sound like you actually like the attention. Geez! Why do you put yourself out there like that?

May777 Joined Wed 04/16/08 Posts: 1238	Sat 08/09/08 03:39 AM
No reaction -- don`t react,.. play a 3`rd party,..when you see him,..observe the scene like you are behind the scenes,.that way you don`t get emotionally involved

May777 Joined Wed 04/16/08 Posts: 1238	Sat 08/09/08 03:44 AM
I also experinced this at work,..we worked at the same place,.he use to leave me unbelievable messages ,..follow behind me ( courier ) just show up where he knew I would be alone,..a stalker,..that`s his power,.. It`s actually kindof weird when someone,..focuses so much attention on you,..eventhough it`s unwanted,..part of it feels exciting,..eventhough your pissed. Just don`t play his game,.that`s all

thumper95 Joined Tue 08/07/07 Posts: 33316	Sat 08/09/08 03:45 AM
the rhps that i used to go to had a security detail for things like this. but as far as the length of time the statute of limitations generally is 3 years. and with witnesses it should be easier. so go for it. the restraining order should be granted. its called stalking, and their are alot of laws on the books about them. so do what you got to do dear.

bad_girl Joined Tue 07/17/07 Posts: 67379	Sat 08/09/08 04:21 AM
Smile and be nice, that is the best way around an asshole like that Last night, was possibly one of the worst nights i've had in my life. So a few months ago, there was an incident with a guy who... couldn't keep his hands to himself... well it almost went a little further than that, but im not going into detail, he also tried the same thing with a friend of mine... But after that he was asked to apologize by mutual friends within our group.. He refuse to apologize and instead called me a tramp and a tease and said that i got what i deserved. The past month after it happened, instead of going through the legal system, i let it be, if i didn't see him it would be fine. However, he started to come into my job, calling me a b!tch and whatnot.. and because i said something back, my manager yelled at me for being rude to a customer because he was friends with him and his boss... At this point I'm furious.. but after tonight enough is enough. My Friends and I are regulars at our local theatre every night for Rocky Horror Picture show, I have friends on cast and in audiance. Knowing that he was not supposed to be there he showed up, stayed outside, but he was still there.. I kinda freaked out immediatly wanted to go out there and beat the hell out of him.. But my friends took me behind the building so i can have a cigarette and calm down, I was crying, shaking, hypervenilating.. So we went into the lobby to get a drink, my short temper came back and i ran straight to the door only to be grabbed by a friend who's twice my size literally picking me up off the ground kicking.. he put me back down and i went for the door again.. this time two friends blocked the door, and i got carried off again ( for my own good ) Later on in the night he left... When the show was over I was in the rest room washing my makeup off from crying.. Someone came in telling me to stay in the bathroom, I ran back out trying to get outside so i could give him a peice of my mind.. Only to be stopped by five people that had to hold me back, and try to calm me down. I was histerical... Again, crying, shaking, having problems breathing.. It gets me soo fustrated to think that a guy can have me worked up that much.. I seriously just dont know what to do at this point. Sorry For such a long post, but i really needed to get that out.. I just need advice as to what to do here, i'm completely lost

sparkleplenty424 Joined Mon 07/21/08 Posts: 463	Sat 08/09/08 05:03 AM
Drama, drama, drama.

Unknow Joined Sat 10/21/06 Posts: 3353	Sat 08/09/08 05:08 AM
I agree with everyone else here try not to react...you are the better person he is the fool...if he approaches you in any intimidating way call 911....file complaints against him evry time..it will be on file and if he don't stop, a restraining order will be easier to get. Don't put yourself in any perdicament where you are alone running into him.

MsCarmen Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 6282	Sat 08/09/08 06:02 AM
Pinky, I'm sorry you are going through your ordeal, and I can only imagine how frustrating it can be because I've been there and dealt with it for a whole year before the courts finally did something about it. But that's another story. But one thing I do want to point out is that if your friends hadn't stopped you from reacting the way you did, he could have called the police on you for coming at him. It could have went as far as him getting a restraining order on you, and that would be on your record, and you certainly don't want or need that. And even if you were to tell the police your reasoning for your actions, it wouldn't have mattered to them because you never reported it. And to them, it would have just looked like you were some psychotic lady freaking out on an innocent guy. And I think that's why alot of us are saying don't play into it, because you will end up looking like the bad guy, so to speak. I would go ahead and at least try to get the restraining order. And if they don't grant it, then your next step would be to document all the times that he is stalking you. I know in some states, in mine too, you have to report a person harassing you 3 times before they are charged with stalking. But if you report it, at least it's on record. And if they do grant you the restraining order, then you have grounds to have him arrested if he breaks the order. To some guys, it's a joke, but trust me, the first time they are put in jail for breaking it, most learn pretty fast and avoid you after that. I hope things work out for you and I wish you the best of luck!

Ruth34611 Joined Sat 08/02/08 Posts: 32402	Sat 08/09/08 06:36 AM
I understand why you are upset, but you are going to be the one going to jail if you are not careful. You keep saying that you are having to be physically restrained by other people to stop yourself from doing/saying something. You have not reported his actions to the police so as far as they are concerned, nothing has happened. If he has touched you against your will, especially after you told him not to, go to the police and make a battery report. You need the police reports so that in the future, should you decide to get a restraining order, you will have something to show as good cause for the order. Seriously, this may be upsetting, but if you lose your temper and hit him......you'll be the one in trouble.