Has anyone else made concessions to keep the peace with their ex and make things easier for their kids ... only to create a situation where the other party now assumes they get to call ALL the shots and have everything accomodate them?

I'm at a complete loss for how to protect my rights without being adversarial and confrontational. My ex continually bulldozes over all my wishes and, apart from dealing with the courts (which it may come down to), I have no idea how to put an end to it. HELP?!

Deal with the courts, that way everyone has a clear view of what can or can not be done.

hire a assasin

anytime He Gets belligerent Just Call the Police. They Will Not Tolerate it.

I think you're right - the longer this drags out, the more I realize that I'm fighting a losing battle ... he just doesn't 'get it' and it's beyond frustrating. I so badly wanted us to work together for the kids' sake and to make this as 'simple' and painless as possible for all - he's not allowing that to happen (unless, of course, I'm willing to give in to every and any one of his wishes).

If you are receiving no respect from the other party it is time to start dealing with the courts to make sure that you keep the respect deserved.

yes I cut him soooo much slack...and I am stilled getting screwed cuz I was nice...but every dog has his day and that dog will bark as well

I've been there and actually still going through it so I can understand. The kids lose in the long run. You just do what is right and they will know it when the time comes.

Haven't had that with the ex-husband (children's father) but definitely with the last BF .. very XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX BF now.

It was HIS way or NO way .. not happenin'

The thing is, he comes across to everyone else as the ultimate 'Mr. Nice Guy, Father of the Year', etc. ... but behind closed doors his passive-aggressive behaviour and cold heartedness is mind boggling ... it's hard to combat 'mere words' but the devastation is the same as if it was physical attacks.

I don't want to be backed into a corner, but when it comes to my kids - look out - mama lion on the loose!

I would really deal with the courts. I am newly divorced (a little over 1 year) and I keep the peace by being civil in front of the kids. When they aren't around my ex and I discuss important topics. We usually come to an agreement. Ultimately being the custodial parent, in my case (not sure if you are), I usually win the BIG battles. Use some leverage. Don't be affraid. This is about your childrens happiness and future you are talking about.

I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone! It's hard not to blame myself or feel like a fool for the free reign I've allowed him to have - because now he's used to it and can't understand why I'm putting my foot down.

Oh my dear my ex is the same way. I put my foot down about a year ago and I stopped taking the bullying. He still tries, still threatens me, still cusses at me...

I do everything according to the court documents and anything, anything else I handle in writing. I have sent letters certified as well so he can't say he didn't get things. Keep everything, notes, letters.... keep it.

Thats what I'm Talking about! When He Starts up call the Police, tell them What he is Doing and You Are Afraid For You and The Kids. or You can Settle it with a .44 and a Shovel.

I am so sorry to hear about your pain -- wow, that makes my frustration seem like nothing in comparison - that is suffering on a completely different level.

I have learned that this is one tactic of the control freak. Aside from taking the issue to court (and trust me...you need a lawyer for this kind of action), the only real alternative for dealing with the control freak is to remove the thing he uses to hurt you with. Sometimes it means mentally letting go of an issue. If the control freak gets the impression that the thing they used to push your buttons with no longer bothers you....sometimes they will cease using it. I have extensive experience in this area so please feel free to email me for a more thorough discussion.

Definatly keep all paperwork and even keep copies of the super important things in a safety deposit box if you have to.

Sometimes I think I've just wasted a year of my life -- I bent over backwards to make life easier for the kids (but ultimately, it made HIS life easier) and instead of gratitude or recognition of that from him, he's become accustomed to me catering to him. I felt at the time I left that a court battle would have destroyed all of us - financially, emotionally, etc. ... but in retrospect, it appears it's going to come down to that anyway, and all I've done is prolong the agony. Why, why, why does the 'right thing' not seem to count in these situations?!

" been there done that." Now everyone knows what's what cause it's all in black and white.

Sorry to Hear that