If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Hope you all enjoyed!

In the words of Larry the Cable Guy, "That's funny right there!"

Chuck Norris is so bad ass:

* He threw a kick and cracked the air!
* He once punched a dude and sent his shadow
to hospital.
* He gave a dude's soul a black eye.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.

Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.

Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice.

A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Mount Pleasant, Michigan... (BLASPHEMY!)

Who would win the race between Ironman and Superman to the moon? Who else...but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is a made up name for your safety. If you said his real name, your head would explode from the sheer amount of concentrated awesome.