so you say now!

Nothing wrong with some junk in the trunk.

luv doc im a ladies man how can i stick wiv just 1 girl

luv d if i was on the wrong how could u help me

You have to make that decision within yourself. Do some soul searching and truly decided what you want in your life. If it is being with one women in a committed relationship, then make that decision and stick to it.

For example, just because I want chocolate, doesn't mean that I have to eat it. Or when I quit smoking, just because everyday or every other day, I think about having a cigarette, doesn't mean that I do it. And eventually, I won't think about it everyday. I will think about it maybe only when I am stressed or triggered.

One day at a time and put your priorities in order!

luv doc is only 1 at a time but it doesnt last long y

What Is Commitment in Relationships?
By David Steele

The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.

In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.

COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE

I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."

We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.

OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?

In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.

When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.

Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:

PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a specific act.

- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time - I promise to be exclusive in our relationship

COMMITMENT: Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.

- I am committed to keeping my promises - I am committed to our relationship

In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.

A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.

CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT

Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.

The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"

When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.

I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.

IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE -NOT- IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:

1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed

2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed

3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship

4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship

5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way

6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept

A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.

And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.

CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT

Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.

Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?

FACT VS. ATTITUDE

Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.

It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").

It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").

In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.

In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.

Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-

UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.

CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.

CONCLUSION

So, when is a relationship committed?

-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.

What creates the "fact" of commitment?

I propose these three criterion:

CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept

CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration

CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others

In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.

I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.

Copyright 2006 David Steele

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World." http://www.consciousdating.com Visit http://www.consciousrelationshipresources.com for access to free live tele-seminars, audio programs, e-programs, and more for couples and singles who want to find and have a successful conscious relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=David_Steele

Article Taken From: http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Is-Commitment-in-Relationships?&id=249098

email me if this is something you would like to discuss further, however I may not be able to reply until tomorrow.






**** To everyone******

I have a lot to do today with work and my research, I will not be online most of today. Please post your questions and I will handle them by Wednesday. If it is something more important please send me an email and be patient for my response.

Just popping in really quick... I'll be posting a new topic by thursday! If you have any questions please post or email me!

Everyone have a good day!

luv doc i think 1 of my best friends is g is there any i can tell

what is 'g'?

What advice today LD

ay

why don't you just ask? If you are comfortable with people having that sexual orientation different then you're own. Think about how you would feel if your best friend was gay, would you accept them for who they are regardless of that fact? Would or does your friend know that you would think of them as just the same person? Is is really that important for you to know if he/she is gay? If he's gay could you still be 'one of the guys' with him?

You decided whether or not its important to really know, and if that would change your relationship with that person.

If you decide that you want to know, then start out by saying I don't care either way my friendship will not change, but are you gay? And go from there.

If you want any further guidence, just email me.

OOOOOOOOOOO this one is good! I will be posting it in a regular thread too!

Pitfalls in Building Relationships, Commitment, and Love - Continuing With C
By Levi Reiss

We continue this series which discusses how to avoid the pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You should realize that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do for building such relationships. We will make some suggestions that focus on what to avoid. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter C.

C is for compare. Those of us with siblings know all about comparisons from an early age. What could be more natural than saying, "Why should I be like my brother Charlie, I'm not him, I'm me." And guess what, people's instinctive dislike of being compared to someone else continues right through life. "Don't tell me that I'm not as good a great-grandfather as Charlie. I'm not him. I'm me." Some clever bosses might deal with this dislike of comparisons by comparing employee's work, not the employees themselves. Such strategy is rarely successful. The boss shouldn't say - "Your report wasn't as timely and hard-hitting as Charlene's." Instead she should say "Your report could have been more timely and hard-hitting." If her employee asks for a better example, she can dig out Charlene's report.

C is for chauvinist. Traditionally chauvinist means excessively nationalistic. The word comes from a Frenchman who had this fault down to a T. Chauvinism is a no-no. It should especially be avoided in workplaces or groups hosting people of different nationalities. A particularly pernicious form of this fault is the male chauvinist pig. Guys, don't treat the office or a dinner with the in-laws like a stag party. Don't expect that the women around you will be making coffee. Personally, I've always been glad to make coffee and even wash the pot and the cups in exchange for a home-made dinner.

C is for cynical. Don't be insensitive. Show a little care, a little concern. This doesn't mean that you have to break down crying whenever you hear a sad, sad story. But don't be cynical. One problem with cynicism is that many people will fail to understand your cryptic, clever meaning and take you at your word. Just the other day I was reminded to follow my own advice. Someone in our group said that the government promised to take care of such-and-such a problem within a year. I asked, cynically, "Well, did they solve that problem?" Guess what the answer was. And I'm sure that at least some people thought I was serious, and credulous rather than clever. Don't be cynical. At least not with the wrong crowd.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.

Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine Italian, French, or other wine, accompanied by the right foods and spend time with his wife and family. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. Among his many web sites he is particularly proud of his new love and relationships site celebrating mostly spiritual and on occasion physical love at http://www.loveamourlove.com. You will find a wide range of articles devoted to various aspects of love, and a special collection of love quotes in both English and French (with translations.) Check out his global wine website at http://www.theworldwidewine.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Levi_Reiss

Taken from: http://ezinearticles.com/?Pitfalls-in-Building-Relationships,-Commitment,-and-Love---Continuing-With-C&id=1291855

ware s my mail?

I didn't think that there was a question in your mail, just commenting.

i was givin u more details bc im not sure if he is or not

well if he is gay would that change your friendship?

aaa...