you in trouble again ? lol

Infantry are smart!
Who knows what a Grenade sump is?

Not yet!!

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

Private Atkins joins the Marines and is stationed at a remote outpost in the Iraqi desert. After several weeks in barracks he feels a yearning for female companionship.

He approaches the evil-looking, scar-faced sergeant, and asks him what the men do for sexual relief around here. "There is a camel behind the CO's tent" the sergeant tells him with a leer.

"I'm not desperate enough to brave that!" replies Atkins, and takes a brisk walk and another cold bath.

A week later he's more desperate and asks the sergeant again. "The camel behind the CO's tent, I told you. Use the camel" comes the reply.

Atkins actually has a look at the camel this time. It's a flea-ridden carpet full of coat-hangers with camel crap matted in the hair round its rump. Atkins doesn't fancy it much.

A week later, delirious with unvented lust he goes to the sergeant again, only to be told, "The camel behind the CO's tent I tell you, the camel!" That night Atkins creeps out to the camel. "At least its got a pulse," he tells himself as he climbs onto a hay-rack and proceeds to ride the camel to his satisfaction.

As he dismounts he sees the sergeant staring open-mouthed in horror and admiration. "How inventive and practical you newbies are. The other men, usually just ride the camel to the brothel in town!"

hahah nice!

More please? Remember when you could tell jokes and laugh at yourself?

Uniforms...

There is no uniform more satisfying than Navy dress blues...13 buttons...13 chances to say no perhaps but back in the day 13 chances to say yes to my love...slowly...as I unbuttoned each one with my teeth...


oops...I got distracted

Iamwaiting!!

Rather be a wingnut than a grunt!!!

Did they teach you useful stuff in the AF like what a grenade sump is?

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom. "Bangety Bang Bang!" The German falls dead.
More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. "Bangety Bang Bang!" shouts the recruit.
The German keeps coming.
"Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!"
It's no use. The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground and says... "Tankety Tank Tank

No they taught me much more useful stuff like how to keep my behind in the airplane and let u grunts dig the foxholes!

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it. When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it. The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"

The AF used to be the Army Air Corp till the grunts started expecting 4 sq's a day and 10 hrs sleep a night!

Recently I was given a list of actual responses made to squawks, the Air Force term for maintenance
complaints by pilots.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Come to the Air Force! We got co-ed dorms, 5 day work weeks, and theme parties in the dorms nightly!!! Yoo Hoo

Join the Army! Learn to dig a foxhole, sh*t in the woods, work 15 hour days, 7 days a week!! HooRah!!!
U know I love ya Fanta!!

A Lieutenant, a Major, and a Colonel were dining with the General in his quarters one evening. The conversation turned to sex and the Lieutenant stated that making love to your wife is 10% work and 90% fun. The Major disagreed and stated that he believed making love to your wife is 40% work and 60% fun. The Colonel then stated that they were both wrong and that the ratio is 80% work and 20% fun. They decided to put the matter to a young Sergeant. "Well, Sir," he began, "I think you are all dead wrong. It must be 100% fun." "Why do you say that?", asked the General. "Because," answered the young sergeant, "if it involved any work at all, you'd assign an enlisted person to do it for you."

15 hrs? Try 20 and 22! I knew I was getting screwed!
Its a hard life, but someone has to keep the AF safe!

Here's a good one,

A couple of A-10's are escorting a C-130 Hercules and their pilots were
chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell on
the subject of relative merits of their respective aircraft with the
fighter pilots holding their planes were better because of their
maneuverability, weaponry and the like The C-130 pilot replied
"Yeah? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only
dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just
watch," he tells them. The C-130 continues to fly straight and level,
and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says,
"There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots
say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?" He replies,
"Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went back
an took a leak."

Yeah and someone has to fly u grunts to ur designated areas.