I thought I would make life a bit easier for our single readers by
disclosing the real meanings behind the code words and phrases found in
most personal ads. The Women: 40ish = 48 Adventurer = Has had more
partners than you ever will Athletic = Flat-chested Average looking =
Ugly Beautiful = Pathological liar Contagious Smile = Bring your
penicillin Educated = College dropout Emotionally Secure = Medicated
Feminist = Fat and/or emasculating Free spirit = Substance user
Friendship first = Trying to overcome reputation as slut Fun = Annoying
Gentle = Comatose Good Listener = Borderline Autistic New-Age = All body
hair, all the time Old-fashioned = Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded = Desperate Outgoing = Loud in public Passionate = Loud all
the time Poet = Depressive Schizophrenic Professional = ***** Redhead =
Shops the Clairol section Reubenesque = Chubby Romantic = Looks better
by candle light Voluptuous = See Rubenesque Weight proportional to
height = See Rubenesque and Voluptuous Wants Soulmate = One step away
from stalking Widow = Nagged first husband to death Young at heart =
Toothless crone The Men: 40-ish = 52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic
= Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Average looking = Unusual hair
growth on ears, nose, & back Educated = Will always treat you like an
idiot Free Spirit = Willing to sleep with your best friend Friendship
first = As long as friendship involves nudity Fun = Good with a remote
and a six pack Good looking = Arrogant bastard Honest = Pathological
Liar Huggable = Overweight, more body hair than a bear Likes to cuddle =
Insecure, overly dependent Mature = Until you get to know him
Open-minded = Wants to sleep with all your friends Physically fit =
Spends a lot of time in front of a mirror admiring himself Poet = Has
written on a bathroom stall Spiritual = Once went to church with Grandma
on Easter Sunday Stable = Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful = Says "Please" when demanding a beer