Some of you have probably read this, but read it again - there's more information that I hadn't revealed before.

I was supposed to meet this guy (not from JSH) a couple Fridays ago, but I got lost from the stupid directions he gave me and never wound up meeting him that day. On Saturday, I got to drive way over to the other side of the moon again, get lost again, and then when I finally found the place I got to watch him throw back Bacardi and Cokes while he droned on and on and on.

Here's what I've learned so far: He's very comfortable with who he is and doesn't need to change for anyone. He had back surgery about 2 years ago. He's a welder, contractor, jack-of-all trades. The AC is out in his car, but he's mechanically inclined. He doesn't believe the hype of global warming or that a bottle of hairspray destroyed the ozone layer (apparently the government did that). He has two older brothers, Bob and Jimmy (or Jamie his sister - that's a long story). He's always doing things for others; just wants to make them happy. He's always happy himself.

He likes Bud Light in bottles. He will only drink it out of cans at Ed's house or at the lake. He wore glasses as a child and, as a result, he now has perfect eyesight without them. He wanted to know if I knew about the new smoking laws in Snotsdale. When I didn't, he said "isn't that amazing? I know more about the law than a paralegal." He doesn't read or listen to the news. His car is a 1995 Z28 that he owes nothing on. He has a friend he calls Big Dumb Brian. He doesn't wear a watch but he's always early. He likes olives but doesn't really care for pimentoes (or maybe it's the other way around). He doesn't believe the area he lives (or where I live for that matter) is technically the desert. There are farms and things growing. He's never had a yellow garden.

He used to roll his own cigarettes and could teach the company who make mine a thing or two. He smokes Marlboro Lights 100s and pays $28/carton online. He used to smoke three packs a day when he had his company but now is down to about one. He doesn't need a cell phone for emergencies, because everyone who matters knows where he's at and can call him there. Just the other day his car broke down and his Mom just happened to drive by and see him. He has a brother Bob (the crazy one of the family) age 43 or 44, living in Canada (some place that starts with an "A"). For a while, he only drove a motorcycle, but decided he needed something with doors. He used to have a John Wayne collector's item rifle that he got from his Dad.

Luncheon meat is made from the "stuff on the floor." The same holds true for hot dogs, but people eat them anyway because it's American. He will only eat hot dogs if they're charred on the grill or cooked in the microwave until they burst.

He had a sunburn and was peeling recently, but was still tan underneath. He's the baby of the family and was his mom's last chance at a girl.

His last date didn't work out because, after dinner and three drinks, she wanted him to go home with her, and he wouldn't.

He's an excellent driver, very smooth and very safe. He once made it to Flagstaff in 54 minutes and he's pretty proud of that trip. He doesn't believe in turn signals as a courtesy. Yes, he did take driver's ed, but he knows what he's doing when he's driving and when he has the right of way. He could prove that in a court of law.

There's a little Mexican restaurant by his house called Raul and Terese's, and everyone knows him there. He likes to go in the morning because that's when the sisters are working. Terese and her other sister sell tamales on the side and they're much better than the ones at the restaurant (but don't tell Raul that). He's also a very picky eater and will not go to a restaurant on a date if he hasn't been there before (yet he had no qualms about having me meet him at a Mexican restaurant when he knew I didn't like Mexican food).

He would always end his emails with "sweet dreams my dear." Not after that nightmare date, you jackass.

His last date didn't work out because, after dinner and three drinks, she wanted him to go home with her, and he wouldn't.




his drinks or hers???

Hey I think I've been out with that guy...

hhmmm we might be on to something here...maybe he didn't really think of you as a 'date'...more of like maybe a therapist or a priest or a potential employer

*dying laughing here* I love the fact that each of those horrific details must have been delivered in such a way as to have left an indelible mark (otherwise known as PSYCHOLOGICAL SCARRING ) on your brain since you were able to relay them to us in such minute detail. I'm sorry for your pain, I really am - but damn, that was the best laugh I've had in days!

I won't insult you by saying 'Well at least you HAD a date, cuz I think we can all agree, that was as close to a fate worse than death as it gets in the dating world!