no, you're not joyce, endorsing sex, either..as a parent, all we can
really do is give them the facts and information, and allow them to make
their own choices. i found my daughter (15) responded very positive when
i had "the talk" with her a while back. i mentioned how her decisions
today will follow her the rest of her life, std's, and so on.. i
expressed to her that i would never tell her she shouldn't or couldn't
(reverse psych), but instead, asked if she did, to care enough about
herself to get on birth control, and that the guy use a condom...always.
that approach seeemed to have worked, so far..she came by the other day
for a visit (when she turned 15, i allowed her to go live with her mom,
if she wanted to.she has been with me, last 6 years, up until this
january)..anyway, when she came by, she told me, that in addition to
being on the pill, she had went to health department, and got some kind
of innoculation booster against std's...my daughter also knows, that, as
her dad, i'm not exactly crazy about the idea of her having relations,
but i am so proud that she has taken the iniative and has taken a lot,
not all, of the worry out of the "old man..just look me up if you want
to chat, joyce...god bless

You are a great mom and your daughter had to make the decision herself
which she did. It is a wonderful thing that you and your daughter are so
close. Never change that and always be there for her because it teaches
her what unconditional love is all about and how you both can have it
and different views as well.

My prayers will be with your daughter. I am so very much against
abortion, I myself would have rather seen her have the baby and a loving
family recieve the child~~so many families can not have children and to
me that is very sad. People go out and have abortions every day when
they could help a loving family~~thats how I see it!!
I just hope that your daughter doesn't have lots of regrets years down
the road.

nurjoyce, I agree with most opinions here, you are a great Mom, you did
the right thing in the hardest/bleakest of situations, for your child.

These kinds of decisions are heart-wrenching and should be private for
the families involved. I am NOT saying you should not have posted, I am
saying that others opinions have to be taken with a grain of salt. A
good rule for any post in any open forum, as debate over this particular
subject can become very heated.

I hope the very best for you and your daughter and as someone said, you
may both need counseling and much support. You have plenty of support
here, for what it's worth. Make sure your little girl gets the support
she needs too.

Chin up.

Verb

A great Mother or Father needs to have a relationship with any of thier
children strong enough that they will come to them in an impoortant
decision. That Said you are a great mother, and the decision that was
made was for the best of all concerned. God gives us the right to free
will and as a result allows us to make these tough decisions.

Think about what could have happened if you did not have this type of
relationship with your daughter. If she couldn't come to you and decided
to have the procedure done without your consent, she could have ended up
at a Butcher shop and still had the procedure. Complications could have
arised from it and she could have hidden those also. Then as a result
she either ends up telling you or ends up in the hospital. Now she is
far worse off because of family religion and beliefs. She still has all
the feelings and worries of comdemnation because of religious beliefs
and she lies to her husband for 20+ yrs about being able to have
children.

Could this happen? Well I have No Children and I am now divorced. You
tell me how I feel about family ties and trust. I can only hope one day
I will be able to find out if my children could trust me enough to talk
about these types of things, and come to a rational decision based on
information not beliefs.

I am happy your daughter came to you and your decision was based on
information and not beliefs.
That is what is called Free Will. JMHO


G

You are not a bad mother. And to telle you the truth if my mother would
of explained me my options rather then telle me abortion is murder I
would have education today and I would be able to take care of my kids
with less worries.

I dont mean that I regret my kids or that I am not capable to take care
of them but if I would have exacley the same kids but later in life mabe
I could give them a house with a backyard, rather than a appartment in
the middle of the city.


you are a great mother, I am still against abortion but now I think that
it is a personal choice.There is kids out there that aren't ready to be
parents, not every body would be able to cope like I did.

your post made me I know first hand what your daughter is dealing
w/ emotionally but I also Know being a single parent (and I was not even
a teen when mine was born) was the hardest thing I've ever done and am
doing. You are there for her, despite what her decision was, how can
that be wrong? YOU ARE A GOOD MOM! And for the record, I think she made
a wise choice, considering her age. Thank god we still HAVE a choice in
situations like these.

You are definately not a bad parent, and her dad is an ass.My daughter
got preg at 15 and had mygrandson at 16, she had a lot of hard times
too, she now lives with me, and himtoo I might add.
You people talk to her all the time, sherrie0527, if you want someone
to give your daughter a talk get ahold of sherrie by email or catch her
on here she has talked to young ladies about this many times.
I can't tell you whether the decision that was made was right or
wrong.Best thing was you let her make that decision on her own. I did
the same with sherrie and she chose to keep the baby.
Just like I told her I would be here either wayand stand behind her
decision. Just be there for her and love her, she will be going through
some hard times in the near future and she will need her mother since
her dad is an --- . I feel like someone needs to have a foot to ass
conversation with him.
Really get ahold of sherrie she can help. I will tell her about this
topic she will probably contact you later tonight.

Luv, I agree with bucket one-hundred percent. In the end the decision
was your daughters, and only your daughters. I, have my beliefs, as do
every single person on here, but in the end it is a very wise
mother/father who knows that they can not make a decision like this for
their daughter.
Your daughter trusts you enough that she came ot you with the biggest
and scariest problem she has ever faced (I hope) and asked for your
advice and support, and that is exactly what you gave her: advice and
support.
And after this, I know your daughter is never going to doubt you again
(she is a teenager, you KNOW she has doubted from time to time )
when you say you will be there for her no matter what.
Go et some counseling for both her and yourself (you will need it just
as badly, I promise), and continue to stand by her so that she continues
to grow up intot he lovely young lady she look sup to now (you).
Any time you need to talk or cry or anything give me a yell. If I am
not online I will answer as soon as I get it, I promise.
God Bless and Best Wishes.

i personally don't feel that at age fourteen she was old enough to
decide the life of another. if it were my child...she would have had
that baby...

the only thing my children could EVER do that i would consider
unforgivable is abortion. and i sure as hell wouldn't have helped her
with it...she'll carry this with her for the rest of her life.

counseling may help, however...for her to deal with the loss and make
plans for her future.

Yes but LuLu every situtaion is not the same, i dont agree with abortion
either but I feel for nurjoyce and what she and her daughter had to go
through. its not like her daughter has went out and had 5 abortions, she
did what she felt was best. And what may be best for one might not be
best for another.Everyone is going to have very stong opions about this
topic, some will say she should have had the baby and she should have
had the abortion. But really it comes down to what would be best, would
she be able to raise this baby and give him/her what they would need at
such a young age. And I have known many friends who have has abortions
and yes they were upset about it for a long time but it didnt "wreck"
thier lives. They grew up got married and had childern. And no matter
what you should always forgive your childern well thats they way i was
raised Uncondintal Love. Muder,lying,abortion,cheating,stealing, etc
etc there are so amny things your childern can and will do through out
life to make your blood boil. And sometimes you will want to just let go
of any ties of them and forget about them. but it is all about
uncondintal love.

Nurjoyce, you did what any good mother would do...you stood by your
girl. She will heal with you by her side.

i didn't say that i wouldn't love her...just that i wouldn't forgive
her. ever.

i think it's sad that everyone now has to pay. the baby paid with it's
life, and the family is paying with the emotional repercussions that
follow. it's obvious that joyce is feeling some of this...and her
daughter is in pain as well.

anything that causes this much pain can't be a good thing.

lulu I guess you think this little girl should give up her teenage yrs,
her schooling, and everything else that goes with it. I have personally
seen what a younggirl goes through with ababy, my own daughter, and yes
I let her make the decision of keeping the baby, but I would have stood
behind her and even gonewith her for an abortion if that is what she
wanted. It is easy for you to sit there and ridicule her and hermother,
but you have never been there, can tell by the way you are talking.Wait
till the shoe is on the other foot and lets see how youhandle it.
She could make herdaughter have the baby, then look at the burden put
on this fourteen yr old andjoyce,ultimatelyJoycewould be raisint two
children, I am not sayingabortion isright, I don't agree with it in all
situations, but this one I have to respect Joyce and her daughters
wishes, it will be hard for a while, but they will live through it, try
togive them a little support especially at this time in the game.

You hit it on the nose bucket, and I aplaud you for being able to step
back fromyour own beliefs and let someone else follow theirs without
ridicule or condemnation. I personally do not agree with abortion under
any circumstances, and I also do not believe in an unwed mother being
able to give the child up for adoption without first giving the father
(or fathers family in case of underage) the chance to take the child
(and allow the mother to go on as if she had given it up; this means no
child support, no visitation etc...).
However, what my belief is, and what the law states are two totally
different things in this case, and the daughter has the right to choose
for herself without any feelings of guilt or condemnation from her
parents, or anyone else. And yes I can say that I would have done
exactly the same thing that you did Nurse. I would have sat down with
her and talked things out. Depending on stage of pregnancy and what not
I would have insisted on counseling PRIOR to an abortion if she wanted
an abortion, but after the counseling if she stillw anted an abortion I
would support her, 100%.
And believe me, both of my boys are going to know when they pull it out,
that I personally will hold them as responsible as their girlfriend. If
they choose to have a sexual relation then they are going to have to be
prepared to meet the demands and everything of one as well. In other
words, if they imprgnate their girlfriend, they will have to go out and
get a job and still stay in school (I will only insist on a part time
job, and would help any way I could). They would take responsibility
for raising the child (wiht my help of course), and even if the two kids
do not stay together, they WILL act responsibly as far as the child is
concerned, and assist each other in caring and raising.

my step-daughter was seventeen, not fourteen.... i'm not ridiculing...i
just find it sad.

all outcomes are sad. i can't support something i find
unconscionable...i can only offer condolences and hopes for strength and
healing.

As parents none of us are perfect, however if your child can come to you
with a problem this big and the two of you talk it out you are a far
better parent than 90% of us could ever hope to be. Remember she will
when she is finally ready to have children learn form the way you raised
her.

I just hopr that my two will be able to do the same with me when they ar
that age. It is stories like this however that scare fathers like me. I
have an 8yr old boy and a 5yr old girl and had parents to learn from
that made every mistake possible. I try to be competely different than
they were and hope that I can be as good a perent as you, because no
matter what anyone says you are a great mother just because your
children can talk to you and you do not condem, or judge instead you
help.

Continue to raise her the way you are.