i'm going to post....

This is a true story:


Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic


Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair


She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound


Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure


A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?


But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die


She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "


Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did


Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by


Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made


She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless piece of s***!"


The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying


Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse


One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor


It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

This is not you. but if you feel the need to write you must.

I advise that you stop writing about things that you think will tug at others heartstrings.

Stop writing for praise and learn that rhyme is not paramount. Your writing seems forced and manufactured.

ie:

The girl was lost and so very sad
she did not know the love she had
she gave it up like a bad habit
and now she says "god damnit"

that sounds hokey and a lot like shel silverstein.

if you want to write you have to let go of structure and rules

Her heart is broken and look at her now
that man does not inhibit her now
he loved her once
but not anymore
her heart
will no longer trust a man
maybe it will
but I don't think she can

say what you want he used to sing in a band called three left time. they were pretty big..

just constructive criticism AND

did you know i wrote for a band called "four left time"

that is one more.

YO! WASUP? Ya go platinum or somethin'? Give the man a break! He's contributing warmth to an otherwise cold-hearted worldwide society....if the man wants to tug at hertstrings, let him do it!

hahahah i'm just saying
so he knows what he's doing.
and it's three left time becouse three lefts make a right

okay, if he knows what he is doing then I hope him goodwill and success, and I also hope he finds his direction because if he makes another left he is gonna wind up where he began. thanks for sticking up for him.

constructive criticism or bashing?

it will be alright

Not sure, sweets....


....but, I WILL stand up fo rthose who try to make the world a better place.

My hero

its sad that people cant write on here without there be a battle

i know