A circus roles into town and with it comes Ivan The Terrible, a 6'7''
hairy monster of a russian. He was a wrestler and famous for his two
holds; the half pretzel and the full pretzel. The half pretzel broke
your back and the full pretzel killed you. So anyway, a challenge went
out for $1000 to anyone in the audience who could go for one round
against Ivan... Eventually, a man, who had been drinking all day was
persuaded by his friends to try it out. "I'll do it!" screamed the man,
who was 5'4'' at best. So he climbed into the ring and faced Ivan The
Terrible, face to chest. Without warning, the man kicked Ivan in the
nuts and down went the big man, writhing in pain. The man jumped around
the ring shouting "I am the champion!" and it looked as though the round
would come to an end until Ivan grabbed hold of the man's leg. "Oh no"
the audience grasped "The half pretzel". Then Ivan got a better grip on
the man "Oh no... The full pretzel". The two men, rolled around the ring
in a heap and the crowd knew it was only a matter of time before Ivan
would emerge victorious. All of a sudden, Ivan released the hold, flew
out of the ring, banged his head on the ground and was knocked out. A
great cheer went up through the crowd. Since this was Ivan's first ever
defeat, television crews interviewed the small man.

"So you were in the full pretzel and everyone thought you were a gonner,
how did you get out?"

"Well, like you said, I was in the hold and just about to pass out when
I saw it... a big penis. So I did what any man would do in that
situation and I bit it as hard as I could. And you know what? It's
amazing the strength you can get by biting your own willy!"