A new preist at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor said 'When I am worried about getting nervous in the
pulpit I put a glass of Vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous I have a sip and it calms my nerves.

So the next Sunday he took the mosignor's advice and placed a glass of
vodka next to the water. A the beginning of the service he got nervous
and took a drink. He talked up a storm. Upon returning to his office
after mass, he found the following note on his door:



Fater that was an exemplary sermon, and i can see that the vodka is
helping. But just one or two points you might want to consider next
time:

1.Sip the vodka, don't gulp. And just have the one, not the entire
bottle.

2.There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3.There were 12 disciples, not 10.

4.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as "the late JC".

7.The father, son and the holy ghost are not reffered to as "Daddy,
Junior and the Spook.

8.David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked of his donkey he was not
"Stoned off his ass."

10. We do not refer to the cross as "the big T".

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said: Take this and
eat it for it is my body." he did not say "Eat me."

12.The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub a dub dub tanks for
the grub, yeah God."

13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's.
Not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Thanx for the laugh dude, I needed that!

ROFLMAO

I agree! I was rollin' with this one - The father, son and the
holy ghost are not reffered to as "Daddy,
Junior and the Spook.

I just know someone will take it the wrong way but i loved it..lol

Evil, man. Evil!

lol man that was good lol