A little over a year ago i was engaged to be married to a man that i loved more then words could ever explain he was hit and killed by a drunk driver january 17th 2007 i was devesateded by what had happened so i went to my best friend for support thanks to me doing that and my mothers incuragement i married him one day shy of allans death. I had woke up one day and new that i wasnt in love with the man i married and asked for a seperation we share the same house but we have our own bedrooms we have been seperated for months now and i filed for a divorce with out him knowing about it he hasnt been surved the papers yet but how do i tell him with out hurting him and still keeping our frinedship? He is a good man but hes not the one for me so how can i do this with out crushing him he has been wanting to be my husband sence junior high what do i do?

I've never been divorced but I can't really think of a way around serving someone papers. My guess is he won't be too shocked, from what you say at least.

Ummmm, talk to him and be honest. Isn't that what friends do?

sounds like a storms coming your way! is it fair to say he is probably going to be pissed?! do you have a get away plan? you should seperate,dont you think?

you need to just tell him and let him know what is headed..
it will hurt you to to do and may hurt him knowing but it is for the best..
i am pretty sure he knows it might be coming anyhow with what you explained above..
best of luck and sorry for your loss

He'll be hurt worse if you don't tell him and leave it to the authorities to serve him the papers. Be honest. In the end, you'll be hurt, angry, sad, spiteful.... and lonely. Best wishes.

It's really no different than any other divorce. The only real problem will be if he contests it. for about another 6 days, my situation will be identical to yours. My mother-in-law will be flying in tomorrow to take her daughter home, and I'll get to keep the house, after we work out the paperwork. We've been living in a roomate situation since December, and on many occasions during this time, it's been hostile. My own experience in this area suggests that he will likely go through the same kind of loss anyone does in a situation like this, but if it's been a childhood romance, well, he may well stay in that anger phase for a bit. Losing a dream that old likely will take a while to get through, but at least both of you had the good sense to live in seperate rooms. Less nighttime bruises that way.

By the time 6/12 rolls around, it will mark 6 months since the last time we were affectionate towards each other, which reflects one heck of a christmas, again. Initially, her bitterness weighed heavily on me, but after a time I myself went from angry, to hurt, to apathetic (just stopped giving a f***), and while most of the time I just ignored it, well, sometimes I just needed to vent. I never would have guessed that love for someone could be killed, but it happened, and now my only real concern is that she is safe with her mom.

On a positive note, I'm reasonably confident that I can be a good friend to just about anyone and in any of their moods. The single largest lesson learned was to wait until I've seen them in every season of the year before deciding to make that big jump. Winters with the exception of 2005 were always challenging, but the last 2 were hell.

As that truck finally leaves, there will probably be a subtle change in my profile. Okay, not so subtle. this year, I plan to celebrate christmas twice. It'll probably take about a month to find ornaments and stuff, but the tree's still up and if you've ever heard of christmas in July, well, I'm really gonna do it. Party pictures to follow.

whether youre in love with him or not you married him...you need to have enough decensy to let him know what youre going to do and how you feel about whats going on...you owe him that much...good luck