This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a
Woman

In a brand new
Cadillac


Doing 65 mph


With her
Face up next to her

Rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away

For a couple seconds


And when I looked back she was

Halfway over in my lane,


Still working on that makeup.


As a man,

I don't scare easily.


But she scared me so much;
I dropped



My electric shaver,


Which knocked

The donut

Out of my other hand.

In all
The confusion of trying




To straighten out the car


Using my knees against
The steering wheel,


it knocked

my cellphone


away from my ear


which fell


into the coffee

between my legs,


splashed,


and burned


Big Jim and the Twins,


ruined the damn phone,


soaked my trousers,


and disconnected an

important call.


Damn women drivers!

and to think they blame us for it