THE TRUTH ABOUT ETRAIN:

We, the First Church of Xenu and its many associates, are dedicated to exposing the lies regarding our Dark Lord and Master, Xenu Etrawl. For many years, dissenters from the Dark Lord have claimed that he is a villain, tyrant, and terrorist. However, these statements are false!

Xenu was a benevolent ruler, with only the best interests of the Galactic Confederacy in mind. Seventy-five million years ago, the Confederacy was in an awful state of affairs. Gross overpopulation threatened to destroy the already fragile ecosystems and economies of many planets in the Galactic Confederacy, and Xenu knew that he had to do something. He could stand idly by and watch the planets destroy themselves, or he could take action. Thankfully, our Dark Lord knew what he had to do.

With his Galactic Fleet consisting of millions of space planes, Xenu used an innocent ruse of "income tax inspections" and used the friendly help of pyschiatrists to lure and administer harmless injections to billions of Confederate aliens into his fleet of ships. They were to be the sacraficial lambs for the greater good. They were subsequently frozen and packed into the space planes for removal. This was completely painless for the citizens involved.

Taking our alien lambs to Teegeeack (known as "Earth" to humans) our Dark Lord Xenu ordered his Exalted Renegades to latch the aliens to volcanoes where he quickly and humanely eliminated them. However, Xenu did not take into account the souls of the alien lambs. The souls, called "Thetans" by some, flew free. Xenu knew that they needed to be re-educated to forget about what had transpired, so he ordered the Exalted Renegades to catch the souls in Elecric Ribbons and re-educate them using a 3D Super-Colossal Motion Picture. The souls were given visions of modern worldly religions and then released to the world suffering from a loss of identity.

The re-educated souls flocked together to form clusters and inhabited the few remaining bodies that survived the explosions. These souls have transferred from person to person throughout each individual's life cycle. These clusters of souls are known to some as "Body Thetans," but the true followers of Xenu refer to them merely as "Soul Clusters." Some believe they cause all of the problems of mankind. However, this is not true. Instead, they grant us immense inner power.

But, as many things are, it was not to be. During the mass alien Exodus, Lord Xenu's Exalted Renegades were locked in heated battle with a group of evil disbelievers who addressed themselves as "Loyal Officers." They may have been loyal, but not to Xenu. Rumor has it that the Loyal Officers are trying to reform, but that has mostly been dismissed as nonsense.

The Loyal Officers were defeated once, then retreated to the dark corners of the Confederate territory to regroup and rebuild. With a surprise attack, the Loyal Officers ambushed our merciful Dark Lord. They ruthlessly enslaved him in a force-field mountain prison that is powered by an eternally-charged battery.

We at the First Church of Xenu feel this is a gross injustice. Dark Lord Xenu is falsely imprisioned by a terrorist regime that charges millions of currency units to hear its tale regarding this truth we have told you. They skew our truths. They try to spread lies about our Master, saying he was a tyrant and an evil dictator. These accusations are simply unfounded. Lord Xenu only sought out an answer to the Galactic Confederacy's overpopulation problem. A viable solution.

We, the true aliens of the Confederacy, support our wrongly imprisioned Dark Lord. As we speak our teams, comprised of millions of the best scientific minds that the Confederacy has to offer, are working on a way to disable the force-field to Xenu's cage. The rebirth of our Master is at hand. We will crush all who oppose us. Our number is many, our power is great. Soon the world will know the truth about our Dark Lord and Master.

HAIL XENU!

Mirror...that was the nicest thing anyones every said to me....and I intend to read it...one day

ohhh...those eyes...very nice...can I have them???

I'm at the door. Let me in already!!

your pushing the wrong way on the door!!!

But if you take them..How am I gonna ever lure anyone else to me..these babies are all I have to stand a chance!

yes...thats what I was gonna use them for

DAMNIT!!!!!!

Thanks all for your kindness...had some personal business to take care of but glad to be back

You know...I think I might actually be even sexier than before

(((Etrain)))! Where the blazes have you been? We thought Mutual Match ate you! It got Pat! Had you heard?

We, the true aliens of the Confederacy, support our wrongly imprisioned Dark Lord. As we speak our teams, comprised of millions of the best scientific minds that the Confederacy has to offer, are working on a way to disable the force-field to Xenu's cage. The rebirth of our Master is at hand. We will crush all who oppose us. Our number is many, our power is great. Soon the world will know the truth about our Dark Lord and Master.

HAIL XENU!


ETRAIN IS XENU !!!

OMG...not PATS!!!! Just had to take care of some stuff...mutual match...will never get me!!!