Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.


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What do you call a cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated!


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"I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning," prescribed the doctor. "You gotta be kidding, doc," I've been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee".


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I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining about how coffee made him nervous. I said why don't you quit drinking coffee. He said, "because if I didn't have the shakes I wouldn't get any exercise at all."


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Why do the Lakers have to drink their coffee black? No KAREEM any more... Smile


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This guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress: "How much is the coffee?" "Coffee is three dollars the waitress said". "How much is a refill?" the man asked. "Free"!!!!! said the waitress. "Then I'll take a refill"!!!!!.


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Two woman are fighting in the supermarket. One quickly get the Folgers coffee, and dumps down the other woman's shirt. The lady asks why did she did that? Her response was, "There's nothin' more better than waking up with Folgers in your cup."


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A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, leaned forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband "Honey, I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back's killing me and my left breast just burns and burns." He said "I'm gonna help you, Dear. I'll get you some aspirins for the headache, I'll rub your back with Myoflex for the backache, and if you'll sit up and get your breast out of the coffee, it'll stop burning!"


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Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea? Waiter: What does it taste like? Customer: It tastes like gasoline! Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes like turpentine.


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What's fat and drinks a lot of coffee? ----------Java the Hut


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I have heard that if your wife/husband makes bad coffee, that is grounds for divorce.


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Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.

Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.


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While traveling through Antigo, Wis. our family stopped in a local restaurant for a brief respite while driving. My father ordered 2 cups of coffee for he and my mother. My mother after tasting the coffee looked at my father and they each grimaced at each other. Looking around, my father noticed a sign above the back corner which said, "Don't knock our coffee, you may be old and weak yourself sometime."


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People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning....... I reply----No, I just bring her some coffee !!!


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A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," the psychiatrist said, "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"


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I'm sure all coffee beans are juvenile. They're always getting grounded!


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Why Coffee Is Better Than Men

A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. You can always warm coffee up. Coffee comes with endless refills. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning. You can make coffee as sweet as you want. Coffee smells and tastes good. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back. They have coffee at police stations. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have a cup. INSTANT COFFEE!

I like my coffee the way I like my women, hot and black,
no wait, blond and sweet.

When it comes to coffee, its not you you know but where you bean.

Me: Is this organic, shade grown, fair trade coffee?
or did we rape the planet and screw the worker?