Women's Bathroom

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually
find a line of women,
so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's
your turn, you check
for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is
occupied. Finally, a door
opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
matter, the wait has
been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented
by someone's Mom, no
doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse
on the door hook, if
there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but
quickly drape it
around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if
you put it on the
FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The
Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles
begin to shake. You'd
love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time
to wipe the seat or
lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach
for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In
your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried
to clean the seat, you
would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your
thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose
on yesterday - the one
that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You
crumple it in the
puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your
thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch
doesn't work. The
door hits your purse, which is hanging around your
neck in front of your
chest, and you and your purse topple backward against
the tank of the
toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the
door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the
floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET
SEAT. It is wet of
course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your bare bottom has
made contact with every imaginable germ and life form
on the uncovered seat
because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that
there was any, even if
you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if
she knew, because,
you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public
toilet seat because,
frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of
diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the
toilet is so confused
that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a
firehose against the
inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water
that covers your butt
and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush
somehow sucks
everything down with such force that you grab onto the
empty toilet paper
dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that
point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet
seat. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you
found in your pocket and
then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't
figure out how to
operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you
wipe your hands with
spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of
women, still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a
piece of toilet paper
trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you
NEEDED it??) You yank
the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand
and tell her warmly,
"Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since
entered, used and left
the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you
so long, and why is
your purse hanging around your neck?"

. . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal
with a public restroom
(rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally
explains to the men what
really does take us so long. It also answers their
other commonly asked
question about why women go to the restroom in pairs.
It's so the other gal
can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex under the
door!!

Isn't that so true

so true

What a learning experience for men. A MUST read.

(Review)

another great one Catch,LMAO,thanks

ROTFLMAO That brought tears to my eyes from laughing so hard

So true!

EXCELLENT ... good thing for tree's EH fellas ??..... lmao

((Catch)) Thanks !!

Man I never knew how hard it was to relieve yourself. I am sorry for all
the jokes I have made of women and the restroom.



They Should call it a "Standing Room" Don't you think?

OMFG that was freakin great!!! and soooo freakin true it isn't even
funny..lmao OMG that was the best thing i could have read tonight..lmao

That was hysterical, by the time I got to the flushing part, I was
laughing so hard I couldn't read through the tears. Thank you, I needed
a laugh really badly tonight. This was great.