ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion.
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed, or so they think.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night, or so they think.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION ANALYSIS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

I've seen these before. Very clever and cute. Thanks!!

another quick one.... lol

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

deadly