The traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a trim before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening. Moments later, he pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign which read, "Manicures - 25 cents."

"Why not?" thought the salesman. He inserted twenty-five cents, and stuck his hands into the slot. Moments later, he pulled them out and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a huge sign which read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - 50 cents."

The salesman looked both ways, put in fifty cents, then unzipped his fly and inserted his penis into the opening. The machine started buzzing, and the guy let out a shriek of agony. Moments later, the machine shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman withdrew his penis to find a button sewn to the tip.