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| Topic: Pull up a chair for the Elephant Q & A session | |
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Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance" Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them. Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance? A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!" Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum? A: An elephant is grey. Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colour blind) Q: How do you get four elephants into a Mini? A: Two in the front, two in the back. Q: What game do four elephants in a mini play? A: Squash Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Insert elephant. 3. Close door. Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? 1. Open door. 2. Remove elephant. 3. Insert giraffe. 4. Close door. Q. The lion, the king of the jungle, decided to have a party. He invited all the animals in the jungle, and they all came except one. Which one? A. The giraffe, because he was still in the fridge. Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge? A: The door won't close. Q: How do you know there are three elephants in your fridge? A: There'll be one waiting outside in the Mini. Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge? A: By the footprints in the butter. Q: How do you get an elephant out of the water? A: Wet. Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water? A: One by one. Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles? A: So you don't see them when they float upside down in a bowl of custard. Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in a bowl of custard? A: No, of course not. Q: Why do elephants live in herds? A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles. Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border? A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch". "An elephant is a mouse with an operating system" Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue elephant gun, of course. Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!! Q: Why are elephants wrinkled? A: Have you ever tried to iron one? Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree? A: It was glued to the first one. Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree? A: It thought it was a game. Q: And why did the tree fall down? A: It thought it was an elephant. Q: How many legs does an elephant have? A: Four, two in the front, two in the back. Q: Why did the elephant cross the road? A: Chicken's day off. Q: What was the elephant doing on the freerway? A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world) Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW? A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door. Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge? A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge. Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen? A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back Q: How do you know if there are 3 elephants in your fridge? A: Can't get the fridge door closed. Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge? A: There's a VW parked outside it Q: How do you get 8(!) Elephants in a fridge? A: Put four in a VW, four in another VW, put the two VW's in the fridge, A fridge large enough to hold two elephants can surely hold two VW's! Q: How do you get Tarzan in the fridge? A: Open door, get two VW's out, put Tarzan in, close door. Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge? A: You can hear Tarzan scream OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge? A: You can't, silly. There is only one Tarzan! Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle? A: The fridge isn't large enough to hold them all. Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge? A: Depends on the number of elephants. Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW discover? A: The sun roof. Q: The Lion (king of the animals) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why? A: They were stuck in the VW. Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW? A: None, the elephants are in there! Q: What do you call two elephants on a bicycle? A: Optimistic! Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into the city? A: Free Parking. Q: What do you get if you take an elephant into work? A: Sole use of the elevator. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub? A: It's bike is outside. Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub? A: There is a dent in the cross-bar. Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub? A: Stand on the bike and have a look in the window. Q: Why do elephants wear tiny green hats? A: To sneak across a pool table without being seen. Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs. Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale? A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed? A: Your nose is touching the ceiling. Q: Why do elephants wear sandals? A: So that they don't sink in the sand. Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground? A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals. Q: How do you make a dead elephant float? A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,..... Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree? A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years. Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years? A: Parachute him from an airplane. Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon? A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping. Q: What is a furry alligator? A: A bear that went into the woods at 3 o'clock. Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: From stamping out forest fires. Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: From stamping out flaming ducks. Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way? A: To fit on lily pads. Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon? A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads. Q: Why are frogs so short? A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon. Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..") Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow? A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard. Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard? A: No? Well, it must work. Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts? A: They're all on the same team. Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed? A: He has a big 'E' on his pajamas jacket pocket. Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging? A: Take away his credit card. Q: Why do elephants have trunks? A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments. Q: What did the elephant say when he saw a dead ant on the road? A: Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!! (to be sung). Q: What did he say when he saw a live ant on the road? A: He stamped it to death and then said "Deadant! Deadant! Deadant!!!". Q: What do you give a seasick elephant? A: Lots of room. Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant? A: A dead ant. Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, but you need a real big bulb. Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet? A: An elephant with spare parts Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car? A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car! Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires? A: Smokey the Elephant. Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies? A: You miss most of the picture! Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant? A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk. Q: How many elephants can you fit into a Mercedes? A: 5. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment. Q: How do you know when an Elephant has been in the baby carriage? A: By the footprints on the baby's forehead! Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers? A: Cinderelephant.   |
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you forgot one . "whats grey and bubbly and taps on the glass ?" "An elephant in a microwave"
 great jokes!
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