Lawyers should never ask a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why yes, I do know you Mr Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife and you manipulate people and talk about them behind thier backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you".

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him".

The defence attorney almost died.

The judge asked both attorneys to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said "If either of you f..cking idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"

sounds like my grandmother...tell it like it is..