HUmmmmmm.... complex huh...




relax dude... no need to get that edgy...youll grow up someday and may be just may be you might come up with something funny..

Once this Brother from the hood walked up to wall mart, as he was walking arround suspicious as we always do.... one of the employees askd may i help you?? the brother said i am looking for some cat food...the emp says... i am sorry i need a proof you have a cat... i am afraid you might use it for feeding your family cause you look poor
so he gets his cat and starts looking around for something else...the emp again ... what now..well i need some dog biscuits now...proof proof proof
well with nothing much to say after a long discusion the brother returns with his well bread lab...and a shoe box...the emp gave him the dog food and asked whats with the box.... the guy asked him to see for himself...the emp slips his hand in and to his wonder feels somthing warm, soft..........thats right i am outa toilet paper can i get some please

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no.
He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."

Three men are sat around the camp fire, knocking back a few whiskeys and chewing the fat. The conversation soon turned to their animals as all the men owned dogs. The first man said "My dog is called Woodworker. I'll show you why I chose the name. Go, Woodworker!" and with that the dog grabbed a log from the fire and began chewing it. Within minutes the dog had chewed out a beautiful figurine.
Not to be outdone, the second man said "Well, my dog is called Stoneworker, watch this." With that he instructed the dog who promptly fetched a rock over and began gnawing away at it. Within minutes the dog and carved out a beautiful stone figurine.
The third man smiled and said "Well my dog's called Ironworker". He put the poker into the fire and waited until the tip was glowing red hot. "Now" he continued, "all I have to do is touch his balls with this and you watch him make a bolt for the door!"

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemmingway

He was a wise man who invented beer. --
Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
--David Daye

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
--Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
--George Jean Nathan

They who drink beer will think beer.
--Washington Irving

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
And the wisest man ever said this

Those who live by the beer survive by the beer


Beer rocks!!!!!!!!!

The local pub was so sure that its landlord was the strongest man around that it offered a standing ?1,000 bet that no could beat him. The challenge was that the landlord would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the lemon to the customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one more drop out of the lemon would win the money.
Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers, weightlifters and all had failed. Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.
After the laughter had subsided the landlord said that it was only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he picked up a lemon and started squeezing. Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto the bar.
Everyone looked on in amazement as the landlord handed over the prize and asked "What do you do for a living that has given you such strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?"
"No" the man replied, "I work for the IRS."

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. At the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.
"I can fix that with some Aspirin. Just take some and I'll be better in a second"
So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.
The CEO says "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking"

Sorry my car is a piece of **** ...... my parnets didn't buy it for me

Horn Broken "Watch" for Finger

Last Time Someone Listened To A Bush, Folks Wandered Around The Desert For 40 Years!!!

This is not an abandoned vehicle.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

So many pedestrians, so little time.

And my personal fav...

Why drink and drive... when you can smoke and glide.

Dont honk... i am deaf

Watch out, driver visibly challenged

Think you can do better...keep dreaming

don't push it

it's your turn

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today, is the word ****. Out of all the English words that begin with the letter 'f' ...**** is the only word referred to as 'the f word... It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. ****, as most words in the English language is derived from German ...the word fuieken, which means to strike.

In English, **** falls into many grammatical categories:

As a transitive verb for instance.. John ****ed Shirley.
As an intransitive verb... Shirley ****s.
Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as...

An adjective such as... John's doing all the ****ing work.
As part of an adverb... Shirley talks too ****ing much.
As an adverb enhancing an adjective... Shirley is ****ing beautiful.
As a noun... I don't give a ****.
As part of a word... abso****inglutely -or- in****ingcredible.
And as almost every word in a sentence... **** the ****ing ****ers.
As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of ****...such as these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud: I got ****ed at the used car lot.
Dismay: ahhh **** it.
Trouble: I guess I'm really ****ed now.
Aggression: Don't **** with me buddy.
Difficulty: I don't understand this ****ing question.
Inquiry: Who the **** was that?
Dissatisfaction: I don't like what the **** is going on here.
Incompetence: He's a ****-off.
Dismissal: Why don't you go outside and play hide and go **** yourself...
I'm sure you can think of many more examples.

With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.

It will identify the quality of your character immediately.

Say it loudly and proudly: **** YOU!

Thanks... well about me if i were to talk about 8 monts ago... no one knew me but a few people... ok ok kidding... i was followed by UK... for jokes...now that i cant talk... ill let my fingers do all the talking

Hey HEy Hey!!!!
Hi guys, i am back from the dead, i met with a brutal accident 8 months ago and almost died, but then again like they say god call upon the good people so he sent me back after keeping me and observing my behaviour for 2 months and i took another 6 to come out of the exaution...:)
any ways its good to be back with the family


by the way where is UK1971 i miss his jokes alot...

98.5 here

then kill my boss again

street racing

kill my boss

everytime i see your pic here...i feel ....i dunno....diffrent...

well i am 29...spent most of my time racin..still biking for fun and bread....guess ill die young

cool..

duhh who says your old...even if they did...old vine is better...so is scotch....and countrybelle6471....if thats really ur pic then i want you more than any thing else

now that is smart...smarter than me