Community > Posts By > 1956CLEO

 
1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 02:28 PM

A Texan buys a round of drinks for the entire bar, announcing that his wife has just produced “a typical Texas” baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, along with many exclamations of “Wow!”

Two weeks later, the Texan returns to the bar. The bartender says, “Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?”

The proud father answers, “Seventeen pounds.”

The bartender, puzzled and concerned, asks, “Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth.”

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his longneck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, “Had him circumcised.”




laugh

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 02:24 PM
Edited by 1956CLEO on Wed 06/04/08 02:26 PM

"Oh darn I forgot to write it on the slate...shoot..." she grabs he chalk and writes:


MENU OF THE DAY

Leeks with almonds
Coarse meat
Yellow broth
Smothered Rice


That sounds so scrumptious! I'll have a plate, please! Tiny serving of everything, but the leeks and almonds, make that a normal serving!

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 02:05 PM
noon

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 02:05 PM
piano

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 02:02 PM
Edited by 1956CLEO on Wed 06/04/08 02:03 PM

*Looks at Phara and rolls her eyes and puts the letter away*


*Phara picks her head up, and acknowledges the strange lady* Good Day! I am Phara Gnome prophetess and you are?


Good evening Calliope what's on the menu?

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:57 PM

Okay then.. What's this?? Will only be there for about half an hour..




'Cloud Gate,' a monumental sculpture designed by the celebrated British artist, Anish Kapoor, is Chicago's latest public installation.

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:51 PM
Calliope another wine here please? *Calliope serves the wine. Phara lays her head on the bar and falls asleep.*

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:46 PM
*Phara walks into the inn for a drink, after work.* Calliope may I have an elven wine please?
*Calliope serves the wine and Phara pays.*Phara is content to sit at the bar and just relax with her drink*

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:36 PM


A man went into a bar after work and ordered a beer. As he started drinking his beer, he heard a female voise saying seductively, 'You've got nice hair'. The man looked all around him but couldn't see where the voice came from. A minute later he heard the same voice saying, 'You are a handsome man.' The man was really puzzled by this so he asked the barman what was going on.
The barman replied, 'It's the nuts - they're complimentary.'


laugh you need two more to laugh at this and you get $1000!


laugh

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:34 PM
Edited by 1956CLEO on Wed 06/04/08 01:35 PM

Slowly he puts a hand behind Princess hair and pulls it back to expose her neck and gives a soft kiss to the nape of her neck.

I love the smell of 212...it gets me boiling inside.

I think Im feeling a urge to hump something, but Im trying to fight it off.

So I'll tell a joke to ease the pains in my groin:

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours, and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs.

He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked,

'What good will Viagra do for him, doctor'?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll< SPAN> keep the sheets off his legs.'




laugh

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:23 PM

Leisure Johnny tells a joke:

Two guys are drinking together at a bar and go into the bathroom. Standing at the latrine, Bill notices that his buddy is very well endowed.

"Wasn't always that way," the buddy says. "It's a transplant. I had it done over on Harley Street. It cost a thousand bucks, but as you can see, it's well worth every cent."

So Bill visits the doctor on Harley Street that day. Six months later, the two guys meet up again at the bar. Bill explains, "I took your advice, but you were robbed. I got mine for $500, not a thousand."

They go back to the restroom to compare. "No wonder," his buddy says, "That's my old one!"
laugh!!

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 01:19 PM
dentistry

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 12:52 PM
IConic

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 12:17 PM





*Swishes takes her roses to da big man.* Here ya go big man, you big hunk a love you!!!!!blushing


"Ooh sexxy mama! Dance with me and mah stinky feet babyy!" replied Biggie, who seemed to move like a soaring eagle on steroids.



*They fall all ova the place, Swishes pinching her nose as they do so!* Big man you've got the moves!!!

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 12:13 PM
Edited by 1956CLEO on Wed 06/04/08 12:15 PM

The big man with the bigger feet, Blueballz Biggie got up, doing a sexy moonwalk across the floor, it always impressed the ladies. laugh



*Totally taken with his poise!Swishes takes her roses to da big man.* Here ya go big man, you big hunk a love you!!!!!blushing

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 11:59 AM


Bartenda, I'd like to buy 15 roses please!


It looks like I only have 5 left in the vase. I think the flower boy maybe coming back later on tonight.

How about 5 roses?


Thank you!

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 11:50 AM
Bartenda, I'd like to buy 15 roses please!

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 11:45 AM

A guy walks into a bar & orders a drink. He notices a man next To him sitting there looking into a box. After a while, his curiosity gets the best of him, so he leans over & looks into the Box. Inside is a miniature man playing a miniature piano.

"God, that's amazing, where did you get that?", he asked.

His bar maid said, "This is my wish. There's a genie out back in the alley & he grants your wishes."

The guy finds this hard to believe, so he walks out back to the Alley, & lo and behold, there is a genie there. The genie asks him What he would like to have for a wish, & the guy says he would like to have a million bucks!

All of a sudden, there are a million ducks flying around his head, quacking, flapping their wings, etc. He goes back into the bar and says to the bar maid, "That's a poor excuse of a genie! I asked For a million bucks and he gave me a million DUCKS!"

His bar maid turns away from the box he's looking into & says, "I guess you think I ASKED for a 14 inch pianist??"
laugh !

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 11:24 AM



I drink juice lol.
And here is a little somethink something for ya'll



There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," he says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

laugh


That makes 2! Need one more and you have it buddy!laugh
laugh laugh !

1956CLEO's photo
Wed 06/04/08 11:16 AM

All the pushing and stuff reminds me of this :

A certain married couple had a very healthy sex life. They had sex everyday; in the shower, on the kitchen counter, everywhere imaginable. In fact the wife was somewhat of a nymphomaniac.
One day the husband announced that he would be going on a week-long business trip. Deciding that she couldn't go the week without sex she decided to visit a sex shop after she dropped him off at the airport. She was looking at the selections of dildo's and could not find what she was looking for. She asked the man at the counter if he had anything really special. The man hesistated, looked around the shop, and took a deep breath, "I really shouldn't be showing you this, but you look like a very special lady." He took an old looking wooden box out from under the counter and removed the lid. As the woman looked inside she announced that it was just like any other in the store. The man said, "Ah, but you see, it most certainly is not! It is the voodoo penis and all you have to do is say "voodoo penis" and then where ever you want it to go." The man decided to demonstrate the powers of the "voodoo penis". He commanded, "VOODOO PENIS, THE DOOR!" The dildo rose from the box and began its work on the door. The door began to buckle and sway. Splinters of wood flew around the room. The man yelled, "Voodoo Penis, return to the box!" The woman was so impressed with it she bought it right away and took it straight home.
The woman, excited to try it, undressed and commanded, "Voodoo Penis my crotch!" The penis went straight to pumping. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she decided that it was enough, only she had forgotten how to return it to the box. After tugging for what seemed like hours, she decided to drive to the hospital for help.
She put her clothes back on and began to drive, quivering with each thrust of the dildo. After one intense orgasm she swerved all over the road. A policeman ,seeing this, pulled her over, and asked her if she had had something to drink.
She replied that she had a voodoo penis stuck in her crotch and it would not stop screwing her. The policeman smiled and in an arrogant tone of voice said, "Voodoo Penis, My ASS!"







laugh

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